I think it was Marvin Gaye that once sang: “Don’t you know how sweet and wonderful life can be?/ I’m asking you, pizza, to get it on with me”
There are times I get down about the calamities I’ve created, which I’ll sometimes refer to as “life.” And since the world revolves around me and my happiness, I’ve had to find satisfying ways to bring joy back in my life during the times when things get dark (like when I had to spend a shocking twenty minutes today looking for my shoe’s mate).
I’ve documented a previous way here
And barring that this’ll bring a great big smile to my face:
Then there is watching Katherine Heigl’s charming shenanigans on loop like 27 Dresses carries the secrets to the mysteries of the Bible.
But sometimes, no matter how many slices of pizza you look at or how many Katherine Heigl rom-coms you watch (I also suggest the one with Gerard Butler where he’s a dick but she falls for him anyway cause underneath he’s just a big softie. That one is great too), the sun refuses to shine on you.
When I get that blue I like to conjure up a conversation that one day I was lucky enough to overhear. While indulging in my pretention at the local coffee shop, a pair of new-agey hippies sat next to me in the middle of a huge problem. Catastrophic.
The deal was that one of them had a date that night with a fellow she really liked and wanted to have sex with BUT she was on her period (DA DUM DUM!). And following this confession, the greatest advice I ever fucking heard was dispensed:
“I would really like to sleep with him but I’m on my period right now” – wept one hippie
“I heard from a friend that if you sit naked in the desert for an hour or so it’ll make your period go away.”
IF YOU SIT NAKED IN THE DESERT…YOUR PERIOD WILL GO AWAY.
This is unquestionably the best thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t even imagine what the other woman did with that information. Drive around the suburbs of Philadelphia looking for a patch of dirt to sit naked in for several hours until menstruation ceased?
Thank you for the eternal laughter, ladies. Happy menstruating!