Category Archives: beer

My loving marriage

It’s really easy to let things slip your attention when you live in a glorified shanty town of an apartment, resplendent with kitties.

So it was awesomely kind of Facebook to remind me of this:

How could I have been so neglectful toward my "hubby."

How could I have been so neglectful toward my “hubby.”

I can’t imagine what I am searching online that continuously leads Facebook to believe that I am married with a husband I love, and not a cat-obsessed spinster that spent last night drinking  cheap beer and reading comics.

Unless they were, of course, referring to this husband:
i heart my tubby
Since I can’t get a husband, I’ll just get some cats. My relationship with them is similar to a legally binding contract that tells my friends, family, and whatever God that one chooses to believe in that we will love and cherish one another until the other dies.  Except with my cat husband he agrees to love and cherish me until I die in my sleep and he eats my face for survival.

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Filed under apartment, beer, cats

A You Life anniversary…retrospect

It’s high time for an anniversary edition of You Life, but since this just occurred to me and I missed the date by four months I guess this is just a retrospect.

You Life started with an instructional guide on how to devastate some PBRs and then paint a kitchen table. Memories

And to celebrate that momentous occasion in the old apartment I’ve unearthed some gems

That is an omnipresent specter presiding over the battle of zombies vs unicorns

That is an omnipresent specter presiding over the battle of zombies vs unicorns

The glory that was the kitchen - with the masterpiece center stage

The glory that was the kitchen – with the masterpiece center stage

A better view of the unicorn side, before the 6th grade notebook tagging joined the battle

A better view of the unicorn side, before the 6th grade notebook tagging joined the battle

Clear view of the zombie side. That zombie has a bloody unicorn tail in his palm

Clear view of the zombie side. That zombie has a bloody unicorn tail in his palm

 

But I feel strongly that the unicorns prevailed

But I feel strongly that the unicorns prevailed

Happy anniversary, You Life!

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Filed under apartment, beer, crafts, doodles, friends, unicorns, zombies

A very special You Life: George’s eulogy.

Yesterday, on Christmas, I spent an entire day on the train traveling back to my apartment. I purchased myself some holiday PBRs and got ready to have a full blown solo Christmas pity party. All of my intentions were focused on feeling totally sorry for myself because I was spending Christmas alone. However, George had other plans.

His plan?

Dying
rip georgenstein collage

This is exactly how he wanted to go, on Christmas: a day usually reserved for family, and happiness, and joy. Those are all of the things that he hates and stands against. Misery? Pain? Mournful tunes on the banjo? The last chapter of Oil? Ruining gift giving holidays? George knew that those were the real simple pleasures in life.

And, obviously, hating you. That was another of his favorite things.

And, obviously, hating you. That was another of his favorite things.

Except, of course, there is more pleasure in dying. So, after a hundred and fifty thousand years of life George went to meet him maker.

I think we all know who George's maker is

I think we all know who George’s maker is

And I, for one, will miss the ever loving shit out of that miserable cranky cat bastard. And, while his cold dead body rests in the space heater box in my living room while I am at work (HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY DON’T JUDGE ME), later on I will be memorializing him in the best way possible: playing The Ballad of Georgie on the ukulele and whiskey drankin’.
bye baby

Bye, littlest evil.
rip george 8

 

 

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Filed under Animals, apartment, beer, cats, Holidays, public transportation

The time is meow

Well hello. Are you familiar with this masterpiece of a music video?

Are you familiar with this beverage?
pabst

If you mix these two things for several hours and happen to be me, you will get this as a result:

I was going to write more…but I think that’s enough.
Oh actually, there is more. I am wearing the same “outfit” from this post:
https://youlifeisnotsogreat.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/style-is-as-style-doesnt-get-off-the-couch/

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Filed under beer, Booze, cats, Fashion

How I defend myself

It should come as no surprise, give my penchant for Napoleon complex like antics, that I am short. Super short. Really fucking small.

five foot shawty assassin

 

And when you are this damn small, with a habit to get into so much trouble, it’s essential that you learn how to defend yourself when the going gets hostile. My method, since childhood, has been emulation of the moves of professional wrestlers.

I’ve been to two professional wrestling events since my childhood – I wish this was a joke, but that is a Bret Hart shirt from the Holiday Hell Tour in the early 90s. Eat it hipsters and long for my un-ironic ironic WWF swag

 

So, if you are feeling, say, threatened on your birthday, what should you do? Um…the Million Dollar Dream. Obviously. And you should do this after drinking several pints of home brew outside of bar- unwashed, following a Kool & the Gang sing-a-long.

Get your back up off the wall, do wrestling moves, come on!

Now you can defend yourself!

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Filed under beer, birthday, Booze, friends, Philadelphia

In celebration of more than one holiday at once

There are times when it isn’t enough to celebrate just one holiday at one time. So when Cinco de Mayo and Star Wars day are back to back it just seems more appropriate to meld them together:

Happy Cinco de Star Wars

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Filed under beer, Fashion, Holidays

Irish…eat your children

I love how holidays are documented on other lifestyle blogs. They’re cute as hell and the blogger is forever making some holiday themed craft. Go them! And the next day (or sometimes even a play-by-play while the holiday is happening) a thousand little instagram pictures are birthed and displayed all over the fucking internet.

Happy Easter!

But, since I have finally re-covered from my hangover, this is about my St. Patrick’s day…you will notice that the lives of my mates are also quite magical…

We do fanatically adorable and interesting things:

Like playing “chicken.” There are no winners

Or…this?

I honestly have no clue. At this point of the evening I had thrown a bottle of whiskey at an abandoned asbestos factory, and was then convinced that I had killed a bird in the process. My friends told me it was more likely a kitten that was killed.

I don’t even know what this is, but it’s pissing horrifying.

Hmmm. sweating a bunch in this horrifying photo that looks like the beginning of a snuff film. By this point of the evening I had taken a disco nap and woke up to find these shenanigans (hey! It is St. Patrick's Day) going on in the kitchen.

And then the next day you take a picture of what poverty looks like.

In this case it looks like pretzels for lunch and the many many many packets of McDonald’s ketchup that I ended up stealing…when I stole the entire condiment rack. And then got asked to never return to McDonald's hallowed establishment

 

Happy holidays, from my friends to you!

 

 

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Filed under beer, friends, horrifying, Philadelphia