Category Archives: literature

[Poll] Which joke do I go with?

While on the field for my job (my highly important job that I love, not at this place that keeps rejecting me from a job I didn’t want), I was waiting for the bus (because I don’t know how to drive) and saw this:


Nature is both surprising and awe-inspiring

And my bitter snarky mind immediately wanted to send joking text messages to the five people that will entertain my shenanigans.


Please help:


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Filed under gardening, going green, literature, my prerogative, Philadelphia, public transportation, work

The best lens to be viewed through

Is this the most accurate description of me ever?

(the answer is ‘yes’)

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Filed under friends, literature, Philadelphia

Second is Too Far

Such an incredible fan fiction I can scarcely believe exists. Thanks to Caroline for contributing, Joanna for voicing, and Liz for art work so amazing that it even includes the script. Bravo, ladies! Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!

part 1
part 2

has been keeping herself very busy as an actress, improviser, teacher and Karaoke enthusiast for the past 4 years. When she isn’t working you can find her performing with Philly’s longest running comedy show : Comedy Sportz, or the musical stylings of Interrobang. Visit her website for more info.
Joanna has the voice of a goddess and you’ll hear her dulcet tones throughout the wonderful city of Philadelphia. She and her husband were once on a talk show and that’s pretty cool.
Elizabeth Bergland is a Philadelphia artist, Star Trek enthusiast, Reed graduate, and breaker of hearts. She makes sock monsters along with art work, and when her Etsy pages are updated you can find more information about commissions there – You Life will keep you in the loop.   


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Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, friends, hilarious, literature, movies

You Life: An Unexpected Journey

My GPS is confused about where I live, but in between work and home I’ve ended up in Middle Earth

the shire

In a way it sort of makes sense because I’ve always coveted those underground homes. And I am quite short.

And my feet DO look like this.

And my feet DO look like this.


Join me in my new home in the Shire. I’ll be engaging in my three favorite hobbies: eating, smoking, and kissing up on Frodo.




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Filed under doodles, literature, movies

In the Valley of the Serpents, Only Lovers Survive

Here is the newest installment of Fan Fiction of Failure. This one is written by your very own You Life. The ridiculously talented This Guy, Jim C, once again lends his talents for the illustrations. And, again, the amazing Anthony donates his lovely vocal cords for the voice over.


finished dreaming
finished fantasy
finished awake
finished startled use

Harry pushed up the sleeves of his tattered cloak. The previous several years having been a dream, Harry was back to the grind – trying to destroy Voldemort, but more importantly trying to hide the true emotions slowing building inside him like a camp fire.

“Harry?” Snape emerged like a wounded panther. Sleek and dangerous. Harry’s heart quickened at the approaching visage, wise and grave. His voice was barely a squeak when it came out, a warmth was spreading throughout his belly, “Yes, Professor Snape?”
finished wounded panther
finished heart pounding
finished yes professor snape

The professor closed the space between them. With trembling fingers he reached out and brushed a lock of Harry’s dark hair out his eyes. Harry quaked with the tension, as Snape’s body, only a breath away grazed his own. “You fought magnificently today,” he whispered lustily.

Harry tilted his chin up…
finished brushing a lock of hair
finished lifting chin



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Filed under art, comics, doodles, fan fiction, literature, romance

Flash Fiction

Here’s the deal, at the beginning of the month You Life is going to post one (intentionally) horrible piece of fan fiction. We’ll take submissions, illustrate them, and get a voice over actor to voice them (more here). That way you can start off your month the right way – with your dreams of Pokémon copulation finally coming true (no innuendo intended in that sentence, but glad it happened!).

Our first piece is by my favorite comedian Dave Terruso titled Flash Fiction,
pictures by Jim C, and voice acting by Anthony C

(You can listen to this voice over brilliance here:) 

Barry Allen put on his red tights and laced up his golden boots. He spent three minutes making the little lightning bolts above his ears look carelessly tousled.

He had to look perfect today.

The Scarlet Speedster ran at a brisk pace around the park, slowly picking up speed. Eventually he ran at top speed, circling the Earth twice per second. Soon he reached a speed where he vibrated at a frequency that allowed him to travel to an alternate universe.

Once in the alternate universe, The Crimson Bolt slowed down and looked for his target, Mr. Jay Garrick. He quickly found Jay, easily recognizable in his outdated costume that used the same red and gold as Barry’s.
he found him in his retro costume
Both men heaved, catching their respective breaths. “You came back,” Garrick said.

you came back

“Yes,” Barry breathlessly whispered, “And now I’m going to come on your back.”
now im gonna

They took turns fucking each other.


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Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, hilarious, horrifying, literature, science! technology!

Who to turn to when the zombies attack?

There is a religion that I was unaware was so hip to zombies.

But Mormons evidently have the inside scoop to zombie-ism

Were they bitten, and then died, but then came back? Cause I have an answer

Were they bitten, and then died, but then came back? Cause I have an answer

According to particular film and book canons, they absolutely can live again under certain mystical (or sometimes bio-terrorist) circumstances.  Can I answer?

Oh shit! I can answer like a middle school girl with a crush on the popular kid!

Oh shit! I can answer like a middle school girl with a crush on the popular kid!

I’ve seen Romero films. I know the score.
zombies part 3

Thank you! I feel much better prepared for the coming apocalypse with this pamphlet. When the dead rise to eat our brains I’ll be ready to rumble.

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Filed under literature, movies, zombies

Class acts are directed right here

And once again, these are the search engine terms that direct people to this blog:

such tales are great classic. My masturbation tale the most so. KINDREDS

such tales are great classics. My masturbation tale the most so.


Which refers to this
And for the record, my coming of age (no pun intended) story of wanking off has generated an unusual amount of hits. Thanks Daniel Defoe!

And this person who was looking for an awful lot out of their chips:

my chips didn't vibrate but you can go to 7-11 for the second best option

my chips didn’t vibrate but you can go to 7-11 for the second best option

Which refers, of course, to this

Thanks for visiting, whoever you are, you made my week.

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Filed under emails, food, hilarious, literature

Who is this person?!

I like to obsessively follow my own blog, because I am neurotically obsessed with myself.

This entails trying to figure out what draws people in terms of search words to this blog.

John Donne once said, “No man is an island.” And in regards to the over-share update on how I used to try and wank off to Moll Flanders I would like to ponder this question:
who is this person

They might be my soul mate.

Also, how funny are the other search terms?



Filed under celebrities, literature