Category Archives: music

Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you

The thing I like the best about You Life is how aggressively I can neglect it, and yet whenever I need You Life it’s always right there waiting for me. Like a Richard Marx song. I don’t know what this says about me, but I think it’s bad: both the deep appreciation of how much I adore the opportunity to neglect that which I love, and my knowledge of Richard Marx songs. (I could sing all the hits).

you life richard marx

Along with my love of soft rock, which is no secret, it’s also no secret that I eat like a candy beast human landfill teeming with cookies and cream hazelnut spread (by Jif) .

you life collage

I’m real gross. A few weeks ago, I texted my best friend letting him know that I had to pause over whether or not I was going to eat a chocolate glazed doughnut off of brick retaining wall near a car dealership. And this is not the first time I’ve had to ask for guidance about finding sweets on the ground

you life starburst

Considering my garbage status of trash human, it didn’t totally surprise me that someone (WHO HAS YET TO COME FORWARD AND WILL NOT OWN THIS) signed me up for Diabetes Self-Management. At first I thought this was weirdly accurate SPAM. But after further investigation this appears to be some sort of email blast that you have to sign up for which provides healthy eating tips and recipes. Either in an act of self-care I signed up for this while black out drunk (not impossible), or someone signed this up for me out of concern (less likely), or someone signed me up for this as a hilarious response to my terrible eating habits (most likely).

you life diabetes

Along with my love of food that is mostly comprised of a triumph of food chemistry and the sugar industry, I am fucking WILD about salt. Ohhhhhhhhh motherfucker. I keep salt with me everywhere. I carry salt packets in my purse, and whenever I check anything that has a pocket there will be salt packets in there too, and I keep an individual canister of Morton’s salt at my desk at work.

you life salt

As a result, I am unsurprised that along with a specter signing me up for diabetes care newsletters that salt has taken a more aggressive stance in my life and has started to email me directly. From now on, I look forward to continuing this correspondence with Salt.

salt you life 2


Welcome Salt, join my inbox with the emails about my impending diabetes and how to manage it and my desk with a canister of you at the ready. It’s nice to take our relationship to the next level. And I look forward to being able to adore you and neglect you – just like I do to You Life and soft rock. My whole heart, mi amore.


Filed under cooking, emails, food, music

Why not drop me a line?

At my job we have an inter-office chat where your co-workers can hit you up about whatever they have a question about, or just general shenanigans. We can put little inspirational quotes above our names that give glimpses into the inner psyche of you as a worker bee.

Here is mine:

and she wouldn't give it to me!!!!

and she wouldn’t give it to me!!!!

No one’s gotten it.

PS I did not green-light that photo of me. It’s the cruel image that the sadistic people that take our ID photos took. And for some reason it’s linked to everything I do at the office.

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Filed under music, work

One of these things is not like the other

At the end of the work day my energy is sucked dry and I’m left a shallow husk of a person.

me at 5PM

me at 5PM

To compensate (and more accurately, self-medicate) I like to drink box wine and watch music videos on YouTube endlessly until I eventually fall asleep watching Law & Order: UK

law and order uk

because all of the episodes are free on YouTube.

While I have a great affinity for pop music from the late 90s and early 2000’s, I am pretty confused about YouTube’s recent suggestion for me. Because one these things is not like the other:

Enter the Dragon

Enter the Dragon

Is this some media push by YouTube to make Sisqo relevant again? Because I’m only into Dru Hill era Sisqo; I hate thongs. Though, to be fair, I did listen to this once the recommendation was made. You win this time, Sisqo.

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Filed under music

I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see, wanna see them dancin’

A few years ago I was on the phone with my mom and was telling her about my weekend plans and she responded with this direct (and haunting) quote:

You’ve got your cats and your knitting…sounds like you’re really clickin’ your heels over there in Philadelphia.

So…I tried to brush that off, but upon some re-inspection I might have to reevaluate all of my life choices, and drink a bottle [box] of wine, and cry while shout-singing “Part of Your World” to my feline companions.

Friday night. Just got paid. My cat found my knitting

Friday night. Just got paid. My cat found my knitting, it's not a GREAT feeling when even your cat kind of disrespects you

…like, it’s not a GREAT feeling when even your cat kind of disrespects you

I’m ready to know what the people know!!!!!!


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Filed under Animals, cats, crafts, movies, music, Philadelphia, wine

The Ricks

For the last several years when someone was talking about this person:

American rapper

American rapper

I thought they were talking about this person:

American record producer and former co-president of Columbia Records

American record producer and former co-president of Columbia Records


For the last several years I thought legendary record producer Rick Rubin changed his career and became a rapper that loved talking about weed.


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Filed under celebrities, music

I need a hobby

Outside of this:

Funemployment has taken a dark turn to focus on Dre, cats, and Microsoft paint

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Filed under Animals, apartment, broke, cats, crafts, music

The brave death of the skillet

It shouldn’t be surprising, but it seems that with unemployment I have  become considerably lazier than recent memory recalls. With getting laid off I’ve noticed that it has opened up a world of possibilities, such as more time to shower but also less impetus to get out of bed.

Also, re-making Dre’s 2001: The Chronic to make it cat friendly for my kits:
new dre

hey-eh-eh-ay catnip everyday

But I’ve been neglecting more than just my personal hygiene and commitment to sanity. I’ve neglected skillet

It seems as though when I was making skillet work double duty as a pasta-maker, I didn’t consider that the noxious combination of pasta water and the bottom of the balsa wood VHS organizer would create something considerably unholy.

this is the tool I use to steam pasta in a cast iron skillet

this is the tool I use to steam pasta in a cast iron skillet

This is what the bottom looked like after I steamed the pasta:

that ring was not an original feature of the organizer

that ring was not an original feature of the organizer

And this what happened after letting the fumes, and poison, and remnants of pasta that I couldn’t fish out percolate for about a week (read: a month):

Sweet mother of God

Sweet mother of God

It gets worse:

It's my very own version of the Origin of Species. But, ya know, in my kitchen

It’s my very own version of the Origin of Species. But, ya know, in my kitchen

When the mold started I did what any person would do.
hide the mold

I put the VHS organizer back on top of the skillet so as not to deal with it.

Until today. Now the little community of, what can only be evil and villainous, mold can live free in the skillet for all of eternity.

In my trash.

But I played Taps while heaving it into the dumpster.

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Filed under apartment, cats, cooking, food, horrifying, music, pets, science! technology!

The amount of fucks I give

Zero - no fucks. Not a single one

Zero – no fucks. Not a single one

The Cheez-its are an arrow pointing to the stars in reverence for this song:

Cause when you are facing cardiac arrest by pizza, truly the “only way is up,”  from there.

Did I mention that this was a microwavable pizza for one? Cause, yes.

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Filed under cooking, music

YouTube comments make the world a better place

Whenever life gets particularly shitty I like to search through the comments on YouTube to see those that are significantly worse off than me.  There is nothing more heartrending than the cries of the forlorn seeking internet therapy while simultaneously watching music videos.

Like this lost soul

I just can't get over her!

Nine people agree, break-ups are horrible.

The song? The music that was breaking their heart and reminding them of this tragic loss?

Ya know, the song from Pretty Woman

Ya know, the song from Pretty Woman

And in case you don’t understand the absolute hilarity in weeping over this entirely shameful song, here is the music video

Good luck, sir, hopefully the dulcet tones of Go West will help ease the heartache. And if it brings you any comfort, your comment made me laugh my ass off during a time of my own misery.


Filed under hilarious, music

My musical abilities are epic

I love Downton Abbey. It’s phenomenal and gives me the ability to indulge in several of my favorite things: large hats, British accents, and over dramatic longings.



However…there is ONE thing it might be missing.

Kitties singing the theme song.


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Filed under cats, music