Tag Archives: kitty cats

The tears of an angel

The mighty Liono’s history is a mysterious one. And part of that mystery is how a former farm cat came into such wimpy vocal chords.

Behold the mighty and mightily pathetic roar of a imploring feline desperate to make friends with the maintenance man outside:

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Filed under Animals, cats

I need a hobby

Outside of this:
Dr+Dre+OUT046332

Funemployment has taken a dark turn to focus on Dre, cats, and Microsoft paint

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Filed under Animals, apartment, broke, cats, crafts, music

What flu shot?

I look more like a consumptive child than usual today.

It’s always bad when my bangs are pulled back

Here is a brief email exchange as to why my eyes are larger than normal and I’m dressed like Small Wonder (nah, I just like dressing like Small Wonder).

> —–Original Message—–

> From: Janie
> Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2012 12:34 PM
To: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?

Fever – check, swollen tonsils – check, achy – check,
freezing – check

Today I was supposed to get the flu shot – I love the irony.  I feel like I am going to cry/die

And hurled the gifting of some French fries by a coworker in the middle of writing this.

Whine

Yes – read correctly, I got the flu on the day I was supposed to get the flu shot.

— On Thu, 11/15/12, Zachary  wrote
From: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Janie”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:18 PM

I hope you feel better.  I’m pretty sure Tundy is a doctor, so confer with him forthwith

To whom is he referencing?

Only paging Dr. Liono – that’s all

From: Janie
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Zachary”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:25 PM

Poor shirt storm! I have listened to Joanna Newsom on loop and loop and felt so sorry for myself and melancholy and sick that I went into the bathroom and wept for my own self pity. As it turns out I am the worst sick person in the world, certainly the most over dramatic.

Peach, Plum, Pear is also quite sad.

And truthfully, the National didn’t help either.

But then again I also cried listening to Mighty Ducks III, which I have spelled Mighty Fucks so many times today I lost count.

But on further inspection….

My Adam Banks…how you’ve grown….

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Filed under Animals, cats, cranky, letters, movies, work

Gotta be armed

We live in frightening times, unquestionably. I used to work for a woman who after seeing too many episodes of the show Jericho decided that it was time to arm herself for the coming post-apocalypse. She was convinced that the presidency of Obama would mean that our right to bear arms would be compromised and,” fuck no”, was she going to be the only one not packing heat when the fight for the final Twinkie was going down.

In a world where my crazy boss believes Skeet Ulrich will save us…

I get it. The future looks rough. But while some people choose to build bomb shelters, stock up on canned food, and time themselves on the quickness and accuracy of cleaning their shotguns

The future looks so bright I better wear shades

I have chosen a different means in order to protect myself

And that is amassing a small feline army to defend my apartment.

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Filed under cats, horrifying

Enter the psyche of my cats part II

There are certain people that you encounter in this world that you know, from the instant that you meet them, you will love forever. This love will be unconditional and have no limitations or boundaries.

It looks something like this

It looks like this, right?

I’ve yet to find that perfect Rogue and Gambit murderous/dangerous love.

But, I have a close second. And that is my cat, Liono

The bond – it is so true

In my endless string of unsuccessful human relationships, I find it encouraging that I am capable of creating such a strong connection with at least one sentient being. At some point in the near future, when industriousness reigns, I will get into how I acquired Liono

it involves me getting locked in a bathroom AND a trip to the hospital to get a roommate a spinal tap to see whether or not he was insane, or just on drugs

But until that mythical day actually happens, I will just relay the dearness and darling nature of the most charming cat in the world. Unlike the monster that is George, Liono has many loves including, but not limited to: chronic, cuddles, kisses, and tomato sauce.

And pizza

So until I can find a human being that is satisfied to sleep until two in the afternoon, and then watch and re-watch the same re-run episodes of My So-Called Life until it is drinking o’clock, I can’t be sure that anyone will be capable of replacing Liono.

and I am mostly cool with that

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Enter the psyche of my cats

My cats have been introduced in this blog already, as I prefer them to almost all carbon-based life forms. Their antics have been documented due to their insatiable need to ruin a night of pampering; and their cuteness has been lauded as a way for me to give into maternal instincts and still drink gin.

But until now their personalities have been little discussed. So let me introduce you to…George!

when Satan takes feline form.

George is evil. Pure evilness. That is pretty much the extent of his personality. Except one time, while I was sleeping on my back, he scratched my neck near the corroded artery. Another time he scratched me across my wrist making me look like I am a cutter to my co-workers and friends. Well, I guess those weren’t personality traits but rather illustrations of his wickedness.

Ah, George.

 

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Filed under cats, cranky

Going Green

I have always been a big fan of Max from Where the Wild Things Are. Consequently, it should come as no surprise that, as an adult, I would live out one of the scenes from that book. It was always my assumption, however, that it would be the wild rumpus part that’s filled with dancing or, perhaps, the dinner scene that’s filled with cake.
It comes as a complete surprise to me that it should be the sleeping part of the book (wherein all the monsters dog pile for warmth) that I am currently emulating.

And it is this scenario provides the first installment of “going green tips.”

Becoming an environmentally conscious person is a tough decision to make. It means no more rampant littering and reusing the crap you would rather just toss onto the side of a road. But it becomes significantly easier, if you don’t use fossil fuels or heating oil or if you don’t have money to pay for them. If you do have the money, but refuse to use fossil fuels, then you are an environmentally friendly person; if you lack the funds, then you are a de facto environmental activist.

The lack of No. 2 heating oil for my current apartment complex means that I have gone green. I am sure that the apartment complex is heated, but my apartment is not. Why? Oil is mad expensive. Also, contacting my landlord is confusing. Additionally, I find the provider for the oil to be difficult on the phone. Most of all, I’m lazy.

For a brief period of time my job was allotting workers an individual space heater for their desk. Since I am industrious I stole mine.

Oh space heater, how I love you

…until I plugged you in at home only to find out you’re broken

In order to get any warmth from it you literally had to hug it to your body

So I have found an alternate route to heating the apartment. I gather Liono and George and force them to cuddle with me. It is like a combination of Mowgli gathering with the wolves in The Jungle Book and Max slumbering with the wild things.

George hates me, but he hates the cold more

Liono is like a living space heater

and, like Max before me, I find that if we all pile on the bed there is enough heat generated so my eyebrows don’t develop ice crystals during my slumber.

There ya go, environment. Thank me later.

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Filed under cats, going green