I keep forgetting that I pay for this site and update it about once a year. Anyway, it’s the apocalypse and the world is absolute shit. As we all continue to descend into the toilet bowl of personal misery, sometimes genius can strike.
And with that in consideration, I’d like to have everyone honor and acknowledge me as one of the most premiere intellects of our time. Because why haven’t we been doing this since the invention of pizza:
Why haven’t we been dipping our pizza into tomato soup always? I get that people will dip crusts in marinara sauce but that feels limiting and embarrassing when getting into the tomato soup game. Besides, I hate a chunk of tomato.
So, it’s the days of shelter, and time and meals are meaningless so likely I’m putting a lot of stock in this creation but I have nothing else going on except rewatching The Hills obsessively. Does anyone want to talk about this show now that I’ve started watching it decades after it’s first episode? Like…maybe if Lauren keeps losing all her friends, the problem might be LC? Someone discuss this with me.
So, long story short. Dipping your pizza into tomato soup is awesome and I would really like to talk to someone, anyone, about The Hills.
I’ve already discussed my absolute new obsession with this amazingly hilarious tumblr highlighting the “things boys do we love.” And because I think the universe knew that I couldn’t just stop with one pizza-photo-feeling, it delivered me the gift of an incredibly spiritual pizza. Because, on a visceral level, I think collectively everyone can agree that there are much more photo opportunities for “things pizzas do we love,” than boys. So I bring you MORE feelings made easy with photos & words, or “pizza feelings.” (or “things pizzas do we love”).
Jesus and I are on the same page when it comes to pizza
Do you remember the trends in the 90s when it came to advancing technology? It was, like, AIM and chat rooms for years. I never really had to keep up outside of discussing the various benefits of having Stone Cold Steve Austen on your side in a tag team match on the WWF chat room (fuck you, I was 13), or keeping my away messages current.
I miss you, too
Now there is too much for me to keep up with. Trends on the internet are insane. Recently I went on Tumblr and discovered something that, seemingly, has been going on forever without my notice. Something that I find heartening. Something extremely encouraging for someone as emotionally stunted as myself.
In my effort to expand this white text on photographic background expressing our emotions (sort of?) I wanted to ensure that there are people similar to myself who are represented by white text in front of random photo.
For all us bleeding with white-text based feelings, this is for you:
There are times I get down about the calamities I’ve created, which I’ll sometimes refer to as “life.” And since the world revolves around me and my happiness, I’ve had to find satisfying ways to bring joy back in my life during the times when things get dark (like when I had to spend a shocking twenty minutes today looking for my shoe’s mate).
And barring that this’ll bring a great big smile to my face:
Ah, pizza pictures. They prep me for my return to home and pizza consumption
Then there is watching Katherine Heigl’s charming shenanigans on loop like 27 Dresses carries the secrets to the mysteries of the Bible.
but doesn’t it though?
But sometimes, no matter how many slices of pizza you look at or how many Katherine Heigl rom-coms you watch (I also suggest the one with Gerard Butler where he’s a dick but she falls for him anyway cause underneath he’s just a big softie. That one is great too), the sun refuses to shine on you.
When I get that blue I like to conjure up a conversation that one day I was lucky enough to overhear. While indulging in my pretention at the local coffee shop, a pair of new-agey hippies sat next to me in the middle of a huge problem. Catastrophic.
The deal was that one of them had a date that night with a fellow she really liked and wanted to have sex with BUT she was on her period (DA DUM DUM!). And following this confession, the greatest advice I ever fucking heard was dispensed:
“I would really like to sleep with him but I’m on my period right now” – wept one hippie
“I heard from a friend that if you sit naked in the desert for an hour or so it’ll make your period go away.”
IF YOU SIT NAKED IN THE DESERT…YOUR PERIOD WILL GO AWAY.
This is unquestionably the best thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t even imagine what the other woman did with that information. Drive around the suburbs of Philadelphia looking for a patch of dirt to sit naked in for several hours until menstruation ceased?
side note: it looks like she’s mediating on, like, Tatooine
Thank you for the eternal laughter, ladies. Happy menstruating!