Category Archives: Uncategorized

The LoD, Candy Corn, and Me

I have been staring at this open window to write something for almost twenty minutes, which is not exactly reflective of my lack of busy schedule but more emblematic of my lack of stuff to write about here.

But, I really want to.  

A depiction of me tending to my busy schedule and also my cat Easy Mac.

I was just talking to two of my friends about wanting to re-explore this space that I’ve owned for something like ten years, and that feels like a pretty intense length of time to have a blog. You Life has been around through the advent, rise, and fall of personal blogs and instead of pulling the plug I continue to pay for this domain year after year. I rarely update this but I always remember really enjoying doing so when I was younger; You Life always gave me the chance to create spontaneously and embrace chaos joyously.

Ostensibly, I’m a writer (or so I’ve been called), and I’ve been extremely lucky to have a number of publications and several of my books published. But, it’s hard to reconcile the fact that some of the greatest enjoyment I’ve had as a writer was before any of those publications while I was writing about how I used my fridge as a trash can for two years on this blog. And I was actually incredibly inspired by my publisher’s personal blog. I watched Josh engage with writing and the world in a unique and unencumbered way that continues to impress me so much, he writes meaningful and wonderful observations. I highly encourage anyone reading this to give his blog a check. It’s excellent and thoughtful and consciously curated with care (meaning it’s emphatically not like You Life). 

It’s freeing to have a space for writing that involves being a trash pest, a mess, a benevolent cat benefactor, and a helpful possum person. The world is exhausted with itself, and I recognize that there is important work to be done both utilizing social media and writing as well as on the ground work, and I’ll continue to do so. I can also see within myself that I’m struggling to find the humor in things. 

I can never escape me and my trash

But, tbh, I need something to do for enjoyment other than scrolling through the Bravo Real Housewives Reddit. 

However, I still don’t entirely know how to functionally use You Life (i.e. writing site, hookup site, self-call out burn book). But while I figure that out here is what I’ve been up to recently during year seven of COVID-19. It’s mostly just wrestling-related stuff.

The Road Warriors: Legion of Doom is my second favorite tag team after the Hart Foundation. I love a blend of 1970s punk rock and the aesthetics of the Mad Max movie franchise. While never a fan of motorcycles or an impending apocalypse, I do love spikes and nods to bondage. Plus, I loved their catchphrase, “what a rush.” What is the rush? What does that mean? Wrestling? Doom? Drugs? the drumming of Neil Ellwood Peart? 

Here are some impressive facts about Hawk and Animal (Michael Hegstrand) and Joseph Laurinaitis) that I never knew. While the gimmick was obviously lifted from Mad Max, did you know that they were the first in professional wrestling to successfully bring a theme from a movie and incorporate it into wrestling? 

Please also enjoy this gem that I lazily read on Wikipedia: 

Under either name, their gimmick was the same – two imposing wrestlers in face paint.

There is beautiful poetry in the simplicity of that statement. Two imposing wrestlers wearing facepaint is how I want to come back to earth. 

Lockdown had me in a bit of a drinking tailspin, which has resulted in a number of fascinating purchases. 

The first of these purchases was the WWE channel. I’ve been a huge HUGE fan of professional wrestling since my childhood. The WWE channel provided me the opportunity to travel through time and back to the happiest aspects of being a little kid and revisit matches I used to love and wrestlers who I’ve always admired. 

One of these events is Survivor Series 1991. Matches that made me lose my shit upon rewatch. I was like a bottle or two of wine deep at the time, but listen this was the Survivor Series where the Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan for the championship and the aftermath of this Survivor Series led to the iconic moment when Shawn Michaels kicked Marty Jannety through a window during Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake’s “Barber Shop.”

Also, the Road Warriors were headliners and I was VERY enamored with them under the glossy gaze of my red wine eyes. 

Inspired by this, I made an alarming purchase, as I discovered the next morning.

I have a relatively healthy collection of WWF Hasboro figures from the 90s. It will never set the world of collectors on fire, but they are treasured remnants from my childhood. I never sought to collect them all, I just got the wrestlers I really liked. 

However, I never had LoD. 

As it turns out, I decided to rectify that absence with a 2 AM EBay purchase. The cost was slightly jarring for toys. But I was doubly alarmed with the cost of these mint though not-in-package figures as a total. And that was because of the cost of shipping. 

Because the LoD were coming to me straight from Barcelona. They were international Road Warriors traveling to the banks of Philadelphia. 

But, I am so grateful for their place in my home and among the thrones of the other tag teams I have. 

LoD reigning above the other tag teams

This happened months before the passing of Road Warrior Animal. I hope LoD is partying in the great beyond; and on land in Pennsylvania, I had the two of them destroy the entirety of the collection of Cannarella tag team action figures. 

If you’ve made it this far, please give me recommendations for other matches to watch that you particularly enjoyed. WWF or WCW, no matter. 

And settle a debate. Candy Corn (my favorite candy): 

That’s it for now until I figure out what I’m doing with this space. My candy corn and I will see ourselves out until next time.

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Apocalypse meals

I keep forgetting that I pay for this site and update it about once a year. Anyway, it’s the apocalypse and the world is absolute shit. As we all continue to descend into the toilet bowl of personal misery, sometimes genius can strike.

And with that in consideration, I’d like to have everyone honor and acknowledge me as one of the most premiere intellects of our time. Because why haven’t we been doing this since the invention of pizza:

Yes, I had it with coffee because this was my breakfast.

Why haven’t we been dipping our pizza into tomato soup always? I get that people will dip crusts in marinara sauce but that feels limiting and embarrassing when getting into the tomato soup game. Besides, I hate a chunk of tomato.

So, it’s the days of shelter, and time and meals are meaningless so likely I’m putting a lot of stock in this creation but I have nothing else going on except rewatching The Hills obsessively. Does anyone want to talk about this show now that I’ve started watching it decades after it’s first episode? Like…maybe if Lauren keeps losing all her friends, the problem might be LC? Someone discuss this with me.

“I want to forgive you and I want to forget you

So, long story short. Dipping your pizza into tomato soup is awesome and I would really like to talk to someone, anyone, about The Hills.

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Filed under cooking, food, pizza, Uncategorized

This will be the elegy read at my funeral

As it perfectly sums up a life Janie-lived:

you life butter cake

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Filed under food, Uncategorized

How often do you inform someone they didn’t get the job?

Is it a lot?

I applied for a job, by the request of a person that works at the office, about five months ago. I got a call back and did one of those annoyingly long phone interviews – the ones where you have to hide in the corners of your actual job and whisper talk during a lunch break that goes for over an hour.

And I didn’t get it (I know. I’m shocked, too). They sent me a quick email letting me know. Such is life, such is war.

After suffering the rejection, I went about my life as normal and didn’t dwell on this humiliating defeat at all.
you life glen

And I got a new job.
you life bunny

And life proceeded as normal.
you life glen 2

And then I got ANOTHER email letting me know I didn’t get the job. As though, a month later, they felt the need to remind me just in case I didn’t get the message the first time.
That’s a nice feeling.
you life glen 3

Two months pass.


So, I decided to let them know that as much as I appreciate them incessantly informing me that they didn’t think I was the right candidate maybe they could stop sending me rejection emails.
you life employment

you life glen last
(strong truth, Glen)



Filed under Uncategorized, work

Things I found today in my purse:


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December 29, 2016 · 6:40 pm

This was an actual title for an article

learning nothing from strong men

Is it how to walk home casually – and not wheezing – with not one but two of those massive jugs of cat litter and not feel like dying because you keep putting off quitting smoking? If not it’s probably nothing.

Unless it’s this guy….then it’s a whole different story


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Filed under dudes, Uncategorized

Raviolo: the case study

I like to make inflammatory remarks on the Internet. I’ve said some truly and exceptionally stupid and abrasive things online because I’m a glutton for punishment and other equally selfish and needy reasons.

But never have I captured such a strong reaction as when I said this:

In 2016 I learned that people fucking love some ravioli. Like a lot. It wasn’t totally fair that the first comment came from a handsome gentlemen actually from Italy with a glib response:


In these comments he’s also informing me that the grocery store that’s behind my very apartment has some delicious ravioli. And then how to cook.

And then I learned that ravioli comes in all kinds of intriguing and diverse flavors and styles, and suddenly ravioli bonds were being forged on my FaceBook timeline:

And not only were friends tethered together through a mutual acquaintance and appreciation for pillow-y food treats, it generated confusion:


BUT I HAVE A RESPONSE FOR THAT CONFUSION. (I also paraphrased the postmodern bit from an episode of a radio show that I like).

And then it started to manifest in delicious suggestions by beloved friends:


Totally accurate: I am spoiled. I probably do want it fresh. And I’ll take anything with vodka.

And then I got called out:

And somehow bringing up Dunkaroos brought up an entirely different, though I’d venture, equally important conversation about yummy snacks and the halcyon days of the WWF.



Starting to accidentally insult people:

And I begin to question who am since most of my favorite food is courtesy of this chef:

So I needed to chime in on my own behalf and my own gamine naivety that I think is basically film worthy.

It’s true. I eat candy and grilled cheeses almost every day and sometimes in multiples per day.

And much like Kim Kardashian’s ass before me, my self-reflection destroyed the Internet:

Many additional voices jumped in with feelings on ravioli, no one was on my side. Not a soul. And then in a shocking twist of irony, the very lunchroom – site of twice a day grilled cheeses – decided to put this out for lunch.


It’s fucking fried ravioli (like THAT’s gonna trick me). This lunchroom has never ever ever had this out before.


I then brought my parents into the debate. To the best of my knowledge they’re Italian food loving asses would be the best judge on pasta.
This is my father’s response:
To give you some context of this email: my father is a great man who I love dearly. However, he is also the person that in response to the news that I got him Yankees tickets and that I love that he’s my dad responded, “wow!” I think I can count the things he’s said he’s loved on one hand. Evidently not only does ravioli makes the list – it makes the list in all caps.

My mom acted just like you’d expect my mom to:


I love that she conceded that *some* restaurants are capable of making homemade ravioli


I decided to go to South Philly to get ravioli because, I don’t know. It seemed like the place to go (somewhere in the Italian market). I won’t share the name of the place because I don’t want anyone to think that destination influenced decisions. Despite the whole going to South Philly thing…whatever. They were homemade. Or handmade? Like not frozen is what I’m getting at.

I tried to get the person I was there with to take a photo of the blessed event but he was crazy stoned and started getting insanely paranoid about using a smart phone in public because he doesn’t own one or know how to use them. So this was the result. I’d like everyone to know that I showered for this occasion and you can’t even tell. Fuck a job.


Dude…I’m not getting it. I know that I’ve missed out on some seriously important things in life that I eventually came around to, but are my taste buds corrupted from too many years of persistent candy eating? I mean, they’re just pockets of dough filled with crumbly ricotta – which no one likes. They’re not repugnant like relish or pancakes, but they weren’t delicious like welsh rarebit or Diet Cokes. Maybe if they were filled with welsh rarebit or diet soda I’d be, like, “oh heyyyyyyy sorta adorable looking pasta thing!”

Do I need a do-over? Or not restaurant ravioli? Bigger question – do I need many people to make me many different kinds of ravioli?

In the end I treated myself to a cannoli. I gave myself a boxing name (Janie ‘the cannoli’ Cannarella), and then just ate all of the cream and whipped cream.
FullSizeRender (2)






Filed under food, Uncategorized

(white) Gods of Egypt

I heard Gods of Egypt bombed at the theaters, which is a pleasure and a joy to hear. I think that imagining Egypt as a land ruled by almost exclusively white Gods is maybe the funniest thing I’ve heard of in a really long fucking time. It begs the eternal question: have Egyptians always worshiped Gerard Butler?

gerard butler


I can’t imagine why this movie did so horrendously in the theaters. Could it be because it stars mostly blinding white actors in a movie that takes place in Egypt? Which is in Africa? I mean…that doesn’t make sense. Who WOULDN’T want to see another revisionist fantasy starring Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush?

Maybe it’s the movie’s film posters?

gerard butler

In every single poster for this movie “Egypt” looks to be on fire

To help the film’s cause I created some alternate posters for them to use. I hope this helps balance out the whooping disparity on how much this film has made so far versus how much it cost to make it:

look at this blah blah blah



who even cares

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Filed under movies, Uncategorized

It’s 2016

I haven’t written anything since the year changed, but I’m kind of lazy and tired right now. So here is a picture of a seagull with a penis that I snapchatted to someone a few days ago. Happy New Year.

photo (49)

Come away with me


Filed under Animals, science! technology!, Uncategorized

Job opportunities

Everyone has signed up for job alerts, right? I mean…unless you’re an heiress chances are you’ve signed up for Smart Match, and Beyond, and Monster, and Indeed (or InFact or whatever it’s called). And then your name goes on a list and you end up getting emails from The Ladders, and Duke Careers, and High Life – right?

I think the way these emails have evolved is purely magical. Since I haven’t cultivated the garden of employment emails, or specific job skills, in the last three years my email alerts for new jobs make me feel like I’m a spy. Also, the diverse nature of my abilities according to these alerts is truly staggering. See:


Either a bartender at TGIFridays – an establishment I was previously fired from. OR an exciting new career as an International Communications Manager – a job I’ve never heard of.

And of course:



The viable option for me to be a physician at Abington Hospital.

Thanks, email! That was fun for both of us.

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Filed under Uncategorized, work