Anything that’s not nailed to the ground

From my very limited understanding of history, the last days of Rome were a rough place to be: hedonism, theft, moral malaise. And while I gathered these opinions about the civilization’s decline following a less than five minute Google search, I can confidently say that my declining juncture at my job is probably similar.

Or maybe not. But I am stealing everything that isn’t nailed to the ground. The most eccentric theft to date pertains to my aggressive love of hot sauce.

Some nice person left out a communal hot sauce for the lunch room, and while I appreciate the spirit of generosity I more greatly appreciate free condiments. However, I couldn’t just take the bottle of hot sauce in broad (albeit florescent) daylight. So, I did what every crazy person would do.

I dumped half the bottle of hot sauce into the remains of a Herr's pretzel  bag

I dumped half the bottle of hot sauce into the remains of a Herr’s pretzel bag

And my lunch then consisted of:

it consisted of pretzels, a bag of stolen hot sauce, and - what the hell - I stole a packet of cream cheese for the fun of it

it consisted of pretzels, a bag of stolen hot sauce in an old pretzel bag, and – what the hell – I stole a packet of cream cheese for the fun of it

Next up: trying to thieve the vending machine.

 

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Filed under broke, cooking, food, work

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