Category Archives: fan fiction

Before The Trip To Belize

I kind of bailed on Fan Fiction, huh? Well, here is a grand return to Fan Fiction of Failure. It features the fictioning of Breaking Bad by Emerson student Jenna Danoy, the soothing vocals of our favorite Anthony J, and the hasty artwork of The Law Offices of Van Noss².

Welcome to the most uncomfortable Fan Fiction yet.


BB-explore-S4-980x551-clean

The moment Jesse, battered and broken, finished with their most recent batch, Walt took him in his arms.
“Good job, Jesse,” Walt said, stroking Jesse’s face with a tender thumb. He pressed his erection, which had been growing as he watched Jesse cook, against the younger man’s back. “I’m…very proud of you.”
Jesse turned around to face him. Walt noticed that his crystal blue eyes that matched the meth were full of tears.
“You’ve never said that before,” Jesse said, his rough voice cracking over the syllables the way he had just cracked the sheet of meth into a million little crystals.
The sincerity aroused Walt. He felt himself stirring, beneath his tighty-whities, and he took Jesse’s face in his hands.
“What do we do now?” Jesse asked, slipping his hand over Walt’s wrinkled one.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Walt breathed.

Bios:
Jenna Danoy is a senior Writing, Literature & Publishing major at Emerson College. In addition to giving voice to Walter White’s deepest, darkest dreams, she enjoys baked goods, crafty television dramas, writing (good) short fiction, and iced green tea. Her short fiction has been published in Concrete Literary Magazine, and one of her plays was produced for the stage in high school. Hang out with her on Twitter @jenna_danoy
Anthony J never provides a bio but he’s got a bangin’ voice
The Law Offices of Van Noss² still hasn’t recovered from the end of Breaking Bad

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under art, fan fiction, horrifying, tv

“Fan” Fiction

A delightfully puntacular fan fiction, the first one ever submitted to me, by your friend and mine: the talented Dave Terruso.

Words: “Fan” Fiction – Dave
Pictures: Law Offices of Van Noss & Van Noss
Sound: Dave part 2, electric boogaloo


dakota fanningBios:

Dave Terruso: is a host at Helium Comedy Club. He has opened for acts including Richard Lewis, Gilbert Gottfried, Charlie Murphy, Chris Hardwick, and Tim Meadows.
He is the co-founder of Philly Sketchfest, a national sketch comedy festival going into its seventh year.
Dave’s sketch comedy duo Animosity Pierre was an official selection of the 2010 San Francisco Sketchfest and the 2010 Chicago Sketchfest. His sketch comedy has been lauded by TIME Magazine.
Dave’s first novel, a dark-comic murder mystery called Cube Sleuth, is available at Amazon.com.

The Law Offices of Van Noss ²:’s attempt to remove “the incident” from his record was overturned by an appellate court.

Leave a comment

Filed under fan fiction

One is the Deadliest Number

What a great way to start August – with a fan fiction of failure. This one truly speaks to the dickish nature of a smug Fred Jones. For your listening pleasure:

One is the Deadliest Number
VO by Joanna
story by You Life
art by the Law Offices of Van Noss²

photo(10)

Daphne’s hand tightened around the handle, the blade hidden behind her back.

“Jinkies!…you feeling alright?” Velma’s hesitant voice echoed down the hall.

She cleared her throat trying to sound calm, “Totally Velm. Just…just looking for that over-sized magnifying glass.”

“Oh okay. Shaggy and I are going to take Scoobs out for a walk. That might make you feel better.”

Damn that Fred! Everyone knew.

“Thanks, maybe later.”

She waited till Velma walked away. That cravat wearing mother fucker must have told everyone about them before she got up.

“I like you Daphne. It’s just that I need someone smarter than you.”

No one uses Daphne Danger and gets away with it. Who needs brains when you have a blade?

The poster of Tesla outside Fred’s door infuriated Daphne. She knocked her fist against the scientist’s judge-y face. Fred opened the door and Daphne greeted him with the business end of her knife.

Meaning she killed him.

Bios
Joanna is a vocal goddess
Van Noss is a grumpy mantalope

Leave a comment

Filed under comics, doodles, fan fiction, Uncategorized

Clandestine Declarations

IT’S A GRAND OL’ FLAG IT’S A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

It’s July, which means that, as Americans, we get to celebrate our Independence. And what could be more celebratory, American, and independent than a fan fiction of failure?

This magical and patriotic fan fiction comes from one of the brilliant minds at Emerson, the art from a creative innovator in London, and voice over work from the soulful vocals of a popular VO professional. Enjoy!

clandestine declarations
George Washington was sitting in his office scanning his bookshelf when his good friend, John Adams, came in to chat.
“Hello George,” John said, “how’s the government today?”
“It’s good,” replied George, “but my day is better now that you’re here.”
John smiled and sat down. “I’m so glad to be home from my trip. My days are so much longer without you here.”
George smiled and walked up to John. He cradled the curls of his wig and placed his hand on John’s cheek. “Oh John,” he said, “I would chop down a thousand cherry trees for you.”
John’s whole face lit up like a fireworks display on July 4 (George’s favorite holiday). “George,” he said, “how about we make sweet love by candlelight and afterwards I’ll read you the Declaration of Independence?”
George blushed and nodded happily. “There’s no one I’d rather celebrate freedom, liberation, and fireworks with.”

Bios!
Kelsey Perkins
is a student at Emerson College currently pursing her B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing. She swears she is not a bad writer.
Dorothy Damage is a London-based feminist zinester rediscovering her love of drawing fanart and paper dolls. When not doodling, she can be found baking cakes, traversing space and time, and astounding those around her with feats of nerditude. Visit her poor neglected blog and follow her art portfolio, and she might send you a cookie! But probably not.
Chris R  is a voice over artist that has been drinking coffee since the age of 2. He has his own studio where he narrates audiobooks and does TV and radio spots as well. And…..Did he mention he loves coffee?

Leave a comment

Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, hilarious, Holidays

Second is Too Far

Such an incredible fan fiction I can scarcely believe exists. Thanks to Caroline for contributing, Joanna for voicing, and Liz for art work so amazing that it even includes the script. Bravo, ladies! Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!


part 1
part 2

Bios!
Caroline
has been keeping herself very busy as an actress, improviser, teacher and Karaoke enthusiast for the past 4 years. When she isn’t working you can find her performing with Philly’s longest running comedy show : Comedy Sportz, or the musical stylings of Interrobang. Visit her website www.carolinerhoads.com for more info.
Joanna has the voice of a goddess and you’ll hear her dulcet tones throughout the wonderful city of Philadelphia. She and her husband were once on a talk show and that’s pretty cool.
Elizabeth Bergland is a Philadelphia artist, Star Trek enthusiast, Reed graduate, and breaker of hearts. She makes sock monsters along with art work, and when her Etsy pages are updated you can find more information about commissions there – You Life will keep you in the loop.   

 

Leave a comment

Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, friends, hilarious, literature, movies

It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.

Albeit a bit late, but this installment of fan fiction of failure is sure to ruin your 90s childhood. You Life is Not So Great is proud to present:

It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
by: Eric Z
voiced by: Joanna
art by: the Law Offices of Van Noss²

photoCarl collapsed into his seat. His hands trembled as he smoothed the front of his blue police uniform. Eddie, seated adjacent, offered a food-garbled “Dad” and a nod between bites.

“What’s for dinner?” Carl asked, ignoring his son.

Harriette transferred the burned contents from a pan on the battered range to a Corningware plate.

“Nice to see you too,” she said putting the plate down in front of her husband.

Carl drew a deep breath.

“A little boy got killed today, Harriette. Seven fucking years old.” Carl’s voice wavered. “Dead on his way to school.”

Without warning, the backdoor flew open. A shelf of knickknacks fell to the counter in its wake, all but a few breaking.
“Did I do that?” Steve said in mock surprise.

Carl was silent as he left the kitchen. His dinner remained untouched on the table long after Winslow family went to bed.

 

Bios:
Eric Z is best known for his contributions to such periodicals as Modern Dad Magazine: A Magazine for Modern Dads and Dad Fancy: A Fancy Dad’s Guide to Modern Living. He collects Fabergé egg and sometimes remembers his grandmother’s birthday (Editors Note: October 17..er…18…sometime in mid-October). Mr. Z coined the phrase “I live my life a quarter mile at a time” and fuck you for saying differently. You can sort of find more of his stuff at Reel 9 Productions

Joanna has the voice of an angel and is cooler than you (You Life is Not So Great took some liberties writing her bio)

The Law Offices of Van Noss² – the popular mantalope – is not allowed to play D&D anymore

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under fan fiction, horrifying, tv

In the Valley of the Serpents, Only Lovers Survive

Here is the newest installment of Fan Fiction of Failure. This one is written by your very own You Life. The ridiculously talented This Guy, Jim C, once again lends his talents for the illustrations. And, again, the amazing Anthony donates his lovely vocal cords for the voice over.

Enjoy!

finished dreaming
finished fantasy
finished awake
finished startled use

Harry pushed up the sleeves of his tattered cloak. The previous several years having been a dream, Harry was back to the grind – trying to destroy Voldemort, but more importantly trying to hide the true emotions slowing building inside him like a camp fire.

“Harry?” Snape emerged like a wounded panther. Sleek and dangerous. Harry’s heart quickened at the approaching visage, wise and grave. His voice was barely a squeak when it came out, a warmth was spreading throughout his belly, “Yes, Professor Snape?”
finished wounded panther
finished heart pounding
finished yes professor snape

The professor closed the space between them. With trembling fingers he reached out and brushed a lock of Harry’s dark hair out his eyes. Harry quaked with the tension, as Snape’s body, only a breath away grazed his own. “You fought magnificently today,” he whispered lustily.

Harry tilted his chin up…
finished brushing a lock of hair
finished lifting chin

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under art, comics, doodles, fan fiction, literature, romance