Category Archives: tv

Which mythical creature am I?

This is who I wanted to get, y’all. I feel so blessed
which mythical creature are you

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Before The Trip To Belize

I kind of bailed on Fan Fiction, huh? Well, here is a grand return to Fan Fiction of Failure. It features the fictioning of Breaking Bad by Emerson student Jenna Danoy, the soothing vocals of our favorite Anthony J, and the hasty artwork of The Law Offices of Van Noss².

Welcome to the most uncomfortable Fan Fiction yet.


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The moment Jesse, battered and broken, finished with their most recent batch, Walt took him in his arms.
“Good job, Jesse,” Walt said, stroking Jesse’s face with a tender thumb. He pressed his erection, which had been growing as he watched Jesse cook, against the younger man’s back. “I’m…very proud of you.”
Jesse turned around to face him. Walt noticed that his crystal blue eyes that matched the meth were full of tears.
“You’ve never said that before,” Jesse said, his rough voice cracking over the syllables the way he had just cracked the sheet of meth into a million little crystals.
The sincerity aroused Walt. He felt himself stirring, beneath his tighty-whities, and he took Jesse’s face in his hands.
“What do we do now?” Jesse asked, slipping his hand over Walt’s wrinkled one.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Walt breathed.

Bios:
Jenna Danoy is a senior Writing, Literature & Publishing major at Emerson College. In addition to giving voice to Walter White’s deepest, darkest dreams, she enjoys baked goods, crafty television dramas, writing (good) short fiction, and iced green tea. Her short fiction has been published in Concrete Literary Magazine, and one of her plays was produced for the stage in high school. Hang out with her on Twitter @jenna_danoy
Anthony J never provides a bio but he’s got a bangin’ voice
The Law Offices of Van Noss² still hasn’t recovered from the end of Breaking Bad

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It’s just one of those days

Am I right, or what?

Am I right, or what?

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It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.

Albeit a bit late, but this installment of fan fiction of failure is sure to ruin your 90s childhood. You Life is Not So Great is proud to present:

It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
by: Eric Z
voiced by: Joanna
art by: the Law Offices of Van Noss²

photoCarl collapsed into his seat. His hands trembled as he smoothed the front of his blue police uniform. Eddie, seated adjacent, offered a food-garbled “Dad” and a nod between bites.

“What’s for dinner?” Carl asked, ignoring his son.

Harriette transferred the burned contents from a pan on the battered range to a Corningware plate.

“Nice to see you too,” she said putting the plate down in front of her husband.

Carl drew a deep breath.

“A little boy got killed today, Harriette. Seven fucking years old.” Carl’s voice wavered. “Dead on his way to school.”

Without warning, the backdoor flew open. A shelf of knickknacks fell to the counter in its wake, all but a few breaking.
“Did I do that?” Steve said in mock surprise.

Carl was silent as he left the kitchen. His dinner remained untouched on the table long after Winslow family went to bed.

 

Bios:
Eric Z is best known for his contributions to such periodicals as Modern Dad Magazine: A Magazine for Modern Dads and Dad Fancy: A Fancy Dad’s Guide to Modern Living. He collects Fabergé egg and sometimes remembers his grandmother’s birthday (Editors Note: October 17..er…18…sometime in mid-October). Mr. Z coined the phrase “I live my life a quarter mile at a time” and fuck you for saying differently. You can sort of find more of his stuff at Reel 9 Productions

Joanna has the voice of an angel and is cooler than you (You Life is Not So Great took some liberties writing her bio)

The Law Offices of Van Noss² – the popular mantalope – is not allowed to play D&D anymore

 

 

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Conversation topics with my dearest friend

Obviously my cats are my best friends. The only problem with that is their ability to communicate back is somewhat truncated; the conversation is mostly one-sided and responses are generally meows and shedding. Whenever I need to have the deep, soul barring conversations that are so necessary in deep relationships I turn to my other best friend.

giving me the good advice

giving me the good advice

Cats can really only give me so much biased self-validation. When I need tough unbiased love, I consult Google. And here is a sample of the sorts of deep and searching questions that I address to Google when needing to divine the meaning of only the important existential crises

the big questions

When reinspecting my most recent talks with Google I noticed that the searches look exactly like what a teenager from the 90s would ask (if they had Google! Unlucky sods). It also is representative of someone who has almost exclusively been watching Jurassic Park and Degrassi: The Next Generation for the last two weeks because all of their other DVDs are packed away.

And when asking the big questions, Google is sure to deliver with the results. Such as bringing up this gem pertaining to my Jimmy Brooks question (also known, currently, as Drake).

I am confused...wasn't Drake shot in real life in order to make his Degrassi performance for authentic?

I am confused…wasn’t Drake shot in real life in order to make his Degrassi performance more authentic?

Cause, like, he was in a wheelchair in the show. But now that he's a musician he can walk again. What's the deal, Google?

Cause, like, he was in a wheelchair in the show. But now that he’s a musician he can walk again. What’s the deal, Google?

Thank you Google, for filling my apartment with laughter. But also thank you for filling me with consternation pertaining to the state of education in the United States, and the infrequency that our children are required to learn about Helen Keller. She was the one in the wheelchair that also created stickers in the 90s, right?

A recreation of Helen Keller overcoming her obstacles.

A recreation of Helen Keller overcoming her obstacles.

Thank you, Google

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Down Town Abbey (see what I did there?)

While at work I love to illegally stream television.

Downton Abbey is my favorite for a very specific reason (other than the giant hats) :

hilarious juxtapositions

Two things I love: William stumbling over speech and Asian women looking for love

Two things I love: William stumbling over speech and Asian women looking for love

But there was no such grandness that existed before this:

Dame Maggie Smith, how many sperms are swimming?

Dame Maggie Smith, how many sperms are swimming?

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