I used to work for a legitimate crazy person at her home office, which is a horse of different color. But one day these two super-hot dudes came to her door and said they were selling books. So instantly suckered into their little web of deceit, my boss and I bought like $45 worth of books. Fun side note, the grimier one of the dudes gave me his number in case I needed my, “lawn trimmed” (his words, not mine).
After six months, it became apparent that two jerk-offs ripped off an old (crazy) lady and a young girl. No books appeared. However, I did start receiving a subscription to Gourmet Magazine that I never requested or paid for.
Because sometimes the universe rewards you by being ripped off by someone who you thought was flirting with you with a magazine that you’ve never been interested in, used, or really read. And then it further rewards you by sending you William Sonoma catalogues for two years following, assumedly because of it. Thanks, universe!
And something similar happened to my best friend Shawn recently:
IT’S A GRAND OL’ FLAG IT’S A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
It’s July, which means that, as Americans, we get to celebrate our Independence. And what could be more celebratory, American, and independent than a fan fiction of failure?
This magical and patriotic fan fiction comes from one of the brilliant minds at Emerson, the art from a creative innovator in London, and voice over work from the soulful vocals of a popular VO professional. Enjoy!
George Washington was sitting in his office scanning his bookshelf when his good friend, John Adams, came in to chat.
“Hello George,” John said, “how’s the government today?”
“It’s good,” replied George, “but my day is better now that you’re here.”
John smiled and sat down. “I’m so glad to be home from my trip. My days are so much longer without you here.”
George smiled and walked up to John. He cradled the curls of his wig and placed his hand on John’s cheek. “Oh John,” he said, “I would chop down a thousand cherry trees for you.”
John’s whole face lit up like a fireworks display on July 4 (George’s favorite holiday). “George,” he said, “how about we make sweet love by candlelight and afterwards I’ll read you the Declaration of Independence?”
George blushed and nodded happily. “There’s no one I’d rather celebrate freedom, liberation, and fireworks with.”
Kelsey Perkins is a student at Emerson College currently pursing her B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing. She swears she is not a bad writer.
Dorothy Damage is a London-based feminist zinester rediscovering her love of drawing fanart and paper dolls. When not doodling, she can be found baking cakes, traversing space and time, and astounding those around her with feats of nerditude. Visit her poor neglected blog and follow her art portfolio, and she might send you a cookie! But probably not.
Chris R is a voice over artist that has been drinking coffee since the age of 2. He has his own studio where he narrates audiobooks and does TV and radio spots as well. And…..Did he mention he loves coffee?
Such an incredible fan fiction I can scarcely believe exists. Thanks to Caroline for contributing, Joanna for voicing, and Liz for art work so amazing that it even includes the script. Bravo, ladies! Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!
Caroline has been keeping herself very busy as an actress, improviser, teacher and Karaoke enthusiast for the past 4 years. When she isn’t working you can find her performing with Philly’s longest running comedy show : Comedy Sportz, or the musical stylings of Interrobang. Visit her website www.carolinerhoads.com for more info.
Joanna has the voice of a goddess and you’ll hear her dulcet tones throughout the wonderful city of Philadelphia. She and her husband were once on a talk show and that’s pretty cool.
Elizabeth Bergland is a Philadelphia artist, Star Trek enthusiast, Reed graduate, and breaker of hearts. She makes sock monsters along with art work, and when her Etsy pages are updated you can find more information about commissions there – You Life will keep you in the loop.
After an intellectually stimulating conversation with my dear friend we decided that you can only be one of the following: nice, hot, or talented. You can’t be all three, it’s not fair. Good qualities are too rare, and it’s unjust to hog all of them. PICK ONE.
Which is why this guy gets greeted with daily abuse by the writers’ room. Here are a few of the things that he gets to see about himself recently:
to add insult to injury the hilarious illustration under the middle picture was drawn by “this guy.” Because he’s a talented writer and an incredible artist. Bastard.
For more ha’s go visit the author of those missives here
Generally when I think of “in case of emergency” situations I tend to veer toward dialing 911 or screaming “fire” at the top of my lungs.
As it turns out I’ve been wrong all of these years
I guess that’s why my accidents never get solved, I haven’t been contacting the right people.