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Clandestine Declarations

IT’S A GRAND OL’ FLAG IT’S A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

It’s July, which means that, as Americans, we get to celebrate our Independence. And what could be more celebratory, American, and independent than a fan fiction of failure?

This magical and patriotic fan fiction comes from one of the brilliant minds at Emerson, the art from a creative innovator in London, and voice over work from the soulful vocals of a popular VO professional. Enjoy!

clandestine declarations
George Washington was sitting in his office scanning his bookshelf when his good friend, John Adams, came in to chat.
“Hello George,” John said, “how’s the government today?”
“It’s good,” replied George, “but my day is better now that you’re here.”
John smiled and sat down. “I’m so glad to be home from my trip. My days are so much longer without you here.”
George smiled and walked up to John. He cradled the curls of his wig and placed his hand on John’s cheek. “Oh John,” he said, “I would chop down a thousand cherry trees for you.”
John’s whole face lit up like a fireworks display on July 4 (George’s favorite holiday). “George,” he said, “how about we make sweet love by candlelight and afterwards I’ll read you the Declaration of Independence?”
George blushed and nodded happily. “There’s no one I’d rather celebrate freedom, liberation, and fireworks with.”

Bios!
Kelsey Perkins
is a student at Emerson College currently pursing her B.A. in Writing, Literature, and Publishing. She swears she is not a bad writer.
Dorothy Damage is a London-based feminist zinester rediscovering her love of drawing fanart and paper dolls. When not doodling, she can be found baking cakes, traversing space and time, and astounding those around her with feats of nerditude. Visit her poor neglected blog and follow her art portfolio, and she might send you a cookie! But probably not.
Chris R  is a voice over artist that has been drinking coffee since the age of 2. He has his own studio where he narrates audiobooks and does TV and radio spots as well. And…..Did he mention he loves coffee?

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Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, hilarious, Holidays

Flash Fiction

Here’s the deal, at the beginning of the month You Life is going to post one (intentionally) horrible piece of fan fiction. We’ll take submissions, illustrate them, and get a voice over actor to voice them (more here). That way you can start off your month the right way – with your dreams of Pokémon copulation finally coming true (no innuendo intended in that sentence, but glad it happened!).

Our first piece is by my favorite comedian Dave Terruso titled Flash Fiction,
pictures by Jim C, and voice acting by Anthony C

(You can listen to this voice over brilliance here:) 

Barry Allen put on his red tights and laced up his golden boots. He spent three minutes making the little lightning bolts above his ears look carelessly tousled.

He had to look perfect today.

The Scarlet Speedster ran at a brisk pace around the park, slowly picking up speed. Eventually he ran at top speed, circling the Earth twice per second. Soon he reached a speed where he vibrated at a frequency that allowed him to travel to an alternate universe.

Once in the alternate universe, The Crimson Bolt slowed down and looked for his target, Mr. Jay Garrick. He quickly found Jay, easily recognizable in his outdated costume that used the same red and gold as Barry’s.
he found him in his retro costume
Both men heaved, catching their respective breaths. “You came back,” Garrick said.

you came back

“Yes,” Barry breathlessly whispered, “And now I’m going to come on your back.”
now im gonna

They took turns fucking each other.

 

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Filed under art, comics, fan fiction, hilarious, horrifying, literature, science! technology!

My loving marriage

It’s really easy to let things slip your attention when you live in a glorified shanty town of an apartment, resplendent with kitties.

So it was awesomely kind of Facebook to remind me of this:

How could I have been so neglectful toward my "hubby."

How could I have been so neglectful toward my “hubby.”

I can’t imagine what I am searching online that continuously leads Facebook to believe that I am married with a husband I love, and not a cat-obsessed spinster that spent last night drinking  cheap beer and reading comics.

Unless they were, of course, referring to this husband:
i heart my tubby
Since I can’t get a husband, I’ll just get some cats. My relationship with them is similar to a legally binding contract that tells my friends, family, and whatever God that one chooses to believe in that we will love and cherish one another until the other dies.  Except with my cat husband he agrees to love and cherish me until I die in my sleep and he eats my face for survival.

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Filed under apartment, beer, cats