My job is insane, and it’s also filled with bureaucratic cost-cutters who like to ensure that their clients get as little quality out of their purchase as humanly possible. And that includes stock images that would make infant Jesus cry blood.
For example, when asked to re-edit a site I noticed that it included this image (for a website about air filtration systems):
That woman looks like she’s so repulsed by this man that she might puke on him.
What the fuck are these people? They don’t even look like real people. They look like something out of AI but maybe a low-budget first attempt at it where the sex robots cuddle with one another in order to briefly escape their metal-indentured-servitude while wearing shitty clothes on a floor in an adobe. What’s going on with that cabinet behind them? Is it blocking an exit? Is it filled with logs? This all looks like the cover of the Sweet Valley High where Elizabeth gets kidnapped from her job as a candy stripper at the hospital by that unstable guy who feeds her pancakes. Liz? Is that you up there?
Dude, the itchy blanket isn’t even covering his lap entirely. I see his jeans. And, like, he looks vaguely threatening, right? He looks like he’s pulling her closely to him in order to whisper to her his sweet-nothing fantasies about jerking off to Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto
Okay, I can’t do better than a tug off to Apocalypto so enjoy the above.
I heard Gods of Egypt bombed at the theaters, which is a pleasure and a joy to hear. I think that imagining Egypt as a land ruled by almost exclusively white Gods is maybe the funniest thing I’ve heard of in a really long fucking time. It begs the eternal question: have Egyptians always worshiped Gerard Butler?
I can’t imagine why this movie did so horrendously in the theaters. Could it be because it stars mostly blinding white actors in a movie that takes place in Egypt? Which is in Africa? I mean…that doesn’t make sense. Who WOULDN’T want to see another revisionist fantasy starring Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush?
Maybe it’s the movie’s film posters?
In every single poster for this movie “Egypt” looks to be on fire
To help the film’s cause I created some alternate posters for them to use. I hope this helps balance out the whooping disparity on how much this film has made so far versus how much it cost to make it:
LOOK AT THIS EGYPT LAND
A few years ago I was on the phone with my mom and was telling her about my weekend plans and she responded with this direct (and haunting) quote:
You’ve got your cats and your knitting…sounds like you’re really clickin’ your heels over there in Philadelphia.
So…I tried to brush that off, but upon some re-inspection I might have to reevaluate all of my life choices, and drink a bottle [box] of wine, and cry while shout-singing “Part of Your World” to my feline companions.
Friday night. Just got paid. My cat found my knitting
…like, it’s not a GREAT feeling when even your cat kind of disrespects you
I’m ready to know what the people know!!!!!!
What’s the point of a tomorrow when John Hammond can’t be here today?
Jurassic Snark will never be the same. Rest in Peace, Richard Attenborough, and like you said in your infinite wisdom: All major theme parks have delays
Such an incredible fan fiction I can scarcely believe exists. Thanks to Caroline for contributing, Joanna for voicing, and Liz for art work so amazing that it even includes the script. Bravo, ladies! Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!
Caroline has been keeping herself very busy as an actress, improviser, teacher and Karaoke enthusiast for the past 4 years. When she isn’t working you can find her performing with Philly’s longest running comedy show : Comedy Sportz, or the musical stylings of Interrobang. Visit her website www.carolinerhoads.com for more info.
Joanna has the voice of a goddess and you’ll hear her dulcet tones throughout the wonderful city of Philadelphia. She and her husband were once on a talk show and that’s pretty cool.
Elizabeth Bergland is a Philadelphia artist, Star Trek enthusiast, Reed graduate, and breaker of hearts. She makes sock monsters along with art work, and when her Etsy pages are updated you can find more information about commissions there – You Life will keep you in the loop.
My GPS is confused about where I live, but in between work and home I’ve ended up in Middle Earth
In a way it sort of makes sense because I’ve always coveted those underground homes. And I am quite short.
And my feet DO look like this.
Join me in my new home in the Shire. I’ll be engaging in my three favorite hobbies: eating, smoking, and kissing up on Frodo.
Based upon a debate with my friends on what character in Star Wars we would be, it became more and more obvious that we wouldn’t be any of the exciting big name characters .
We’d be more like this:
we wouldn’t have made it past “A New Hope.”
There is a religion that I was unaware was so hip to zombies.
But Mormons evidently have the inside scoop to zombie-ism
Were they bitten, and then died, but then came back? Cause I have an answer
According to particular film and book canons, they absolutely can live again under certain mystical (or sometimes bio-terrorist) circumstances. Can I answer?
Oh shit! I can answer like a middle school girl with a crush on the popular kid!
I’ve seen Romero films. I know the score.
Thank you! I feel much better prepared for the coming apocalypse with this pamphlet. When the dead rise to eat our brains I’ll be ready to rumble.
My friends and I had been hearing only the best things about this Korean restaurant in Northeast Philadelphia. It seemed like we couldn’t walk ten paces without someone enthusiastically telling us to go to this place and get the fried chicken wings. GET THE CHICKEN WINGS.
So we went and amidst great confusion got the wings. It might not seem a great trial to order fried chicken wings (for a normal person’s life). But this might clarify why we ordered with shaky voices, “the chicken wings?” (waitstaff love nothing more than when you phrase your food order as a question):
That’s the menu. Is the hot lady a meal option? She’s both “sweet AND hot.”
The wings were mother fucking delicious. Because the wings might be people. And, dammit, people wings are fucking delightful.