Category Archives: movies

What flu shot?

I look more like a consumptive child than usual today.

It’s always bad when my bangs are pulled back

Here is a brief email exchange as to why my eyes are larger than normal and I’m dressed like Small Wonder (nah, I just like dressing like Small Wonder).

> —–Original Message—–

> From: Janie
> Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2012 12:34 PM
To: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?

Fever – check, swollen tonsils – check, achy – check,
freezing – check

Today I was supposed to get the flu shot – I love the irony.  I feel like I am going to cry/die

And hurled the gifting of some French fries by a coworker in the middle of writing this.

Whine

Yes – read correctly, I got the flu on the day I was supposed to get the flu shot.

— On Thu, 11/15/12, Zachary  wrote
From: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Janie”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:18 PM

I hope you feel better.  I’m pretty sure Tundy is a doctor, so confer with him forthwith

To whom is he referencing?

Only paging Dr. Liono – that’s all

From: Janie
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Zachary”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:25 PM

Poor shirt storm! I have listened to Joanna Newsom on loop and loop and felt so sorry for myself and melancholy and sick that I went into the bathroom and wept for my own self pity. As it turns out I am the worst sick person in the world, certainly the most over dramatic.

Peach, Plum, Pear is also quite sad.

And truthfully, the National didn’t help either.

But then again I also cried listening to Mighty Ducks III, which I have spelled Mighty Fucks so many times today I lost count.

But on further inspection….

My Adam Banks…how you’ve grown….

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Filed under Animals, cats, cranky, letters, movies, work

Hurricane Sandy and lotsa fuckin’ candy


Oh hey! There was hurricane throughout the East Coast from Sunday to Tuesday of last week. Did you hear about this? Gotta tell you, I ignored every single news report of it because my evil Canadian overlord (see: my job) almost assuredly wouldn’t close. I prepared for the hurricane as the best little You Life I could be. I went to the dollar store and got the essentials:

cat food – look at how fucking terrified that cat is, also 30% protein? Amazing. Cat litter – for cartoon animals

And diet coke.

Sunday night I was lounging when I got a call that indicated that the East Coast was going to fall into the ocean: my office was closed. Perhaps I should have purchased a candle? Nope – let the rains come.

The beginning of the hurricane stay-vaction

On Monday I woke up to a gray sky, but nothing that indicated to me that the gods’ were wrathful. After waking up, going back to sleep, waking up again, and then trying to make a cup of coffee from an espresso machine that I forgot I stole from a cunty ex-roommate I was up. Starving. Bored.

So I assessed the following two things: the secret reserves in the apartment

This is for the end times. The secret storage of candy, syrup, and strawberry fluff

And how it looked outside:

Let’s be frank. There is only so much reading, movie watching, hobby-doing, and masturbating that a person can do in one day. At around two I had enough. I left the apartment to walk to get food. Nothing was open. So then, I did what any adult would do.

I went to see how terrifying the playground was during the hurricane

Shortly after going on the swings a police officer drove by and gave me a very stern tongue lashing pertaining to the idiocy of wandering around during a storm.

Returned home.

Sent this text message to my best friend after the lights started flickering:

“I better not have to wank off by candle light” (it would be like jerking off during Little House of the Prairie times. I want to crank it with all of the modern amenities).

Hunger took over. So I did what I needed to do…

I defrosted the chocolate bunnies from Easter, seven months earlier, and covered them in Cupcake magic shell for dinner

Sadness. Utter sadness.

Finally a friend without power came over with the barest of cooking supplies (defrosted chicken thighs, a mini pan, rice, and rum). Seeing as how I don’t own any of the following: cooking oil, a pot, utensils, or a pan it was going to be a trial to cook both the chicken and rice. But, since I am a bit of a fucking wizard I made an entire meal using the smallest frying pan known to man and an iron skillet that was so large that it could have cooked me. I steamed the rice in the skillet with a pizza box. INDUSTRIOUSNESS.

While cooking this a Queen song played in the background. What is covering the bitty frying pan? A metal pizza “stone” …rust side up.

Tuesday:

Tried to sleep in. With great success

Played SNES for hours

In the battle for Kirby dominance I told Happy Brother Senior to eat an entire bag of dicks and finished the victor.

And then it all de-evolved after the second entire day without leaving the apartment. It de-evolved into me creating this “mojito” mix that I think was a code for rat poison. It called to fill a plastic bucket with warm water, this neon green powder, and rum. Later on that day I could be found amongst the piles of VHS tapes in my apartment, eating the slushy poison out of a bucket, dancing to the last song from the credits in Legend.

No seriously, Tangerine Dream is fucking out of this world amazing.

And that is how I survived.

Because I was fine. And my love was strong enough.

Hearts, and flowers, and posi vibes to those not as ridiculously fortunate as me.

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Filed under apartment, Booze, cooking, food, friends, movies, music, Philadelphia, work

Enter the psyche of my cats: Part III (yup, now there is a part three)

Have you ever met someone so crazy and obsessive about things that you aren’t entirely sure that they haven’t escaped a mental hospital? They say yes to everything? They’re enthusiasm is terrifying?

they are not so secretly obsessed with trying to become a member of the Loving Spoonful?

 

I never want to miss out on an opportunity to say “yes,” additionally I was always obsessed with the movie Rock-A-Doodle. After watching the most brilliant of Don Bleuth movies I knew I had wanted a pet that looked just like Chanticleer the rooster.

Who the hell wouldn’t?

But I didn’t actually want a rooster. What was the second best option? No, not a pet chicken…This is when my obsession with naked cats began, because they look like store-bought uncooked chickens. So, when a friend was moving and needed to find his Sphinx cat a home,  I said yes.  Instantly. I now have a new cat.  She looks a cross between a scrotum, an uncooked chicken, ET, and a raptor.

clever girl…

 

She reminds me of Easy Mac and feels like a warm peach.

Currently she is reigning terror on the Orange and White Boys ™
 

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Filed under Animals, cats, movies