Tag Archives: Jurassic Park

A very special Jurassic Snark with Corey Albertson

What's the point of a tomorrow when John Hammond can't be here today?

What’s the point of a tomorrow when John Hammond can’t be here today?

Jurassic Snark will never be the same. Rest in Peace, Richard Attenborough, and like you said in your infinite wisdom: All major theme parks have delays

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Oh Corey, your dry humor helps us get through the day

Our boss is less than pleased about Corey's snide remarks. We've been telling her it's out of our hands - Corey has a mind of his own. And it's filled with bitchy retorts

Our boss is less than pleased about Corey’s snide remarks. We’ve been telling her it’s out of our hands – Corey has a mind of his own. And it’s filled with bitchy retorts

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Corey Albertson

Just like this guy, we have a new addition to the writers’ room at work. You might remember him from here.

He’s taken a significant left-hand turn away from well-wishing and Valentine’s Day celebrating.

Wise cracks with our dinosaur Corey Albertson

Wise cracks with our dinosaur, Corey Albertson

Welcome to Jurassic Snark
photo (24)

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The very best sort of day

May your Fridays be filled with dinosaurs and your hearts filled with love

May your Fridays be filled with dinosaurs and your hearts filled with love

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Conversation topics with my dearest friend

Obviously my cats are my best friends. The only problem with that is their ability to communicate back is somewhat truncated; the conversation is mostly one-sided and responses are generally meows and shedding. Whenever I need to have the deep, soul barring conversations that are so necessary in deep relationships I turn to my other best friend.

giving me the good advice

giving me the good advice

Cats can really only give me so much biased self-validation. When I need tough unbiased love, I consult Google. And here is a sample of the sorts of deep and searching questions that I address to Google when needing to divine the meaning of only the important existential crises

the big questions

When reinspecting my most recent talks with Google I noticed that the searches look exactly like what a teenager from the 90s would ask (if they had Google! Unlucky sods). It also is representative of someone who has almost exclusively been watching Jurassic Park and Degrassi: The Next Generation for the last two weeks because all of their other DVDs are packed away.

And when asking the big questions, Google is sure to deliver with the results. Such as bringing up this gem pertaining to my Jimmy Brooks question (also known, currently, as Drake).

I am confused...wasn't Drake shot in real life in order to make his Degrassi performance for authentic?

I am confused…wasn’t Drake shot in real life in order to make his Degrassi performance more authentic?

Cause, like, he was in a wheelchair in the show. But now that he's a musician he can walk again. What's the deal, Google?

Cause, like, he was in a wheelchair in the show. But now that he’s a musician he can walk again. What’s the deal, Google?

Thank you Google, for filling my apartment with laughter. But also thank you for filling me with consternation pertaining to the state of education in the United States, and the infrequency that our children are required to learn about Helen Keller. She was the one in the wheelchair that also created stickers in the 90s, right?

A recreation of Helen Keller overcoming her obstacles.

A recreation of Helen Keller overcoming her obstacles.

Thank you, Google

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Enter the psyche of my cats: Part III (yup, now there is a part three)

Have you ever met someone so crazy and obsessive about things that you aren’t entirely sure that they haven’t escaped a mental hospital? They say yes to everything? They’re enthusiasm is terrifying?

they are not so secretly obsessed with trying to become a member of the Loving Spoonful?

 

I never want to miss out on an opportunity to say “yes,” additionally I was always obsessed with the movie Rock-A-Doodle. After watching the most brilliant of Don Bleuth movies I knew I had wanted a pet that looked just like Chanticleer the rooster.

Who the hell wouldn’t?

But I didn’t actually want a rooster. What was the second best option? No, not a pet chicken…This is when my obsession with naked cats began, because they look like store-bought uncooked chickens. So, when a friend was moving and needed to find his Sphinx cat a home,  I said yes.  Instantly. I now have a new cat.  She looks a cross between a scrotum, an uncooked chicken, ET, and a raptor.

clever girl…

 

She reminds me of Easy Mac and feels like a warm peach.

Currently she is reigning terror on the Orange and White Boys ™
 

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