Tag Archives: work

I see your true colors shining!

I find the best way to deal with condescending former managers is to internet stalk them and create something beautiful out of whatever it is I find online. In that theme, I bring you:

Your true colors True colors are beautiful, Like a rainbow

Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under horrible bosses, work

What a hateful vending machine

The best notes are passive aggressive notes at the work place. There is a secret thrill letting someone know how much you disapprove of their behavior. It must be doubly so when you address that disapproval to an inanimate object (sort of animate object? I mean…a vending machine does move, there’s some animation involved).

Let’s investigate

I WANT MY DOLLAR, VENDING MACHINE!

I WANT MY DOLLAR, VENDING MACHINE!

I would like to yell at the vending machine too, my concern and hatred regarding the robot apocalypse is well documented

spoiler alert - I don't actually have an extension. Because I don't have a phone

spoiler alert – I don’t actually have an extension. Because I don’t have a phone

Hating machines together, in perfect harmony
photo (10)

Never let the machines win.

2 Comments

Filed under letters, robots, science! technology!, work

The bloom is off the rose

I had a glow-y feeling about employment for a very brief juncture. However, I think it can now be summed up by this crudely executed illustration:

a human graph

a human graph

This is my co-workers and myself. At the very end is a loaf of bread meant to graphically depict our slow march to the bread line.

(I’ll let you guess which one might be me).

(It’s the one screaming with their arms crossed)

Leave a comment

Filed under cranky, doodles, work

Do I have any suggestions for my job?

Do I have any suggestions for the company I work for?

Do I have any suggestions for the company I work for?

As it turned out I did have a suggestion for them:
job suggestions 2

Second suggestion, go fuck yourself.

2 Comments

Filed under emails, work

Anything that’s not nailed to the ground

From my very limited understanding of history, the last days of Rome were a rough place to be: hedonism, theft, moral malaise. And while I gathered these opinions about the civilization’s decline following a less than five minute Google search, I can confidently say that my declining juncture at my job is probably similar.

Or maybe not. But I am stealing everything that isn’t nailed to the ground. The most eccentric theft to date pertains to my aggressive love of hot sauce.

Some nice person left out a communal hot sauce for the lunch room, and while I appreciate the spirit of generosity I more greatly appreciate free condiments. However, I couldn’t just take the bottle of hot sauce in broad (albeit florescent) daylight. So, I did what every crazy person would do.

I dumped half the bottle of hot sauce into the remains of a Herr's pretzel  bag

I dumped half the bottle of hot sauce into the remains of a Herr’s pretzel bag

And my lunch then consisted of:

it consisted of pretzels, a bag of stolen hot sauce, and - what the hell - I stole a packet of cream cheese for the fun of it

it consisted of pretzels, a bag of stolen hot sauce in an old pretzel bag, and – what the hell – I stole a packet of cream cheese for the fun of it

Next up: trying to thieve the vending machine.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under broke, cooking, food, work

Probably best to avoid me till the caffeine is flowing through my veins

I find this utterly unacceptable.  Look at the amount of coffee left in here:

delicious - luke warm coffee grounds

delicious – lukewarm coffee grounds 

To which I might respond with something along the lines of this:

I'm looking for you, co-worker who does this

I’m looking for you, co-worker who does this ^

Spoiler alert, I didn’t wash the coffee pot first.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under work

I am concerned that once I get laid off I won’t have anything to update about

Dear work NEVER EVER STOP.

I went into my break room the other day to pour some really terrible coffee and found, what I thought to be, a box full of candy. Occasionally a co-worker will take pity on us and leave treats for the rest of us to descend upon like the locusts in the Old Testament.

so excited for what looks like fancy chocolates

so excited for what looks like fancy candies

But it couldn’t have been further from the treats in my imagination. Because what was on the table in the break room was almost the exact opposite of posh sweets.

Yeah, it's adult diapers

It was adult diapers

I now believe that some sort of social experiment is going on to raise the morale of the workers here and then crush that hope under the heel of adult incontinence

Leave a comment

Filed under hilarious, work