I find the best way to deal with condescending former managers is to internet stalk them and create something beautiful out of whatever it is I find online. In that theme, I bring you:
Tag Archives: work
The best notes are passive aggressive notes at the work place. There is a secret thrill letting someone know how much you disapprove of their behavior. It must be doubly so when you address that disapproval to an inanimate object (sort of animate object? I mean…a vending machine does move, there’s some animation involved).
I would like to yell at the vending machine too, my concern and hatred regarding the robot apocalypse is well documented
Never let the machines win.
I had a glow-y feeling about employment for a very brief juncture. However, I think it can now be summed up by this crudely executed illustration:
This is my co-workers and myself. At the very end is a loaf of bread meant to graphically depict our slow march to the bread line.
(I’ll let you guess which one might be me).
(It’s the one screaming with their arms crossed)
From my very limited understanding of history, the last days of Rome were a rough place to be: hedonism, theft, moral malaise. And while I gathered these opinions about the civilization’s decline following a less than five minute Google search, I can confidently say that my declining juncture at my job is probably similar.
Or maybe not. But I am stealing everything that isn’t nailed to the ground. The most eccentric theft to date pertains to my aggressive love of hot sauce.
Some nice person left out a communal hot sauce for the lunch room, and while I appreciate the spirit of generosity I more greatly appreciate free condiments. However, I couldn’t just take the bottle of hot sauce in broad (albeit florescent) daylight. So, I did what every crazy person would do.
And my lunch then consisted of:
Next up: trying to thieve the vending machine.
I find this utterly unacceptable. Look at the amount of coffee left in here:
To which I might respond with something along the lines of this:
Spoiler alert, I didn’t wash the coffee pot first.
I just…there are no words. I contacted my HR representative asking about options to pay for school through some mythical program where little angels swoop down and save me from incurring (even more) massive debt.
She was so helpful.
As it turns out I am thinking of applying to work in HR for my former company, evidently all you need to be qualified is access to Google and your head lodged in your sphincter.
No, seriously. The company I work for is (inadvertent) comedic genius. It’s like the Andy Kaufman of failing businesses that are desperately trying not to close despite the fact that they’re trading as a penny stock now.
In an effort to test the waters of employee satisfaction, the company sent out a survey to ALL employees – including those in the Philadelphia office that just got entirely laid off.
Here are some of the winning gems plus, perhaps, some of the additional comments that a certain employee (IT’S ME) added to let them know my current level of satisfaction
Well…you laid everyone off, so talk to me more about these advancement opportunities.
Oh? Did you try and hide the work bear from me?
And stole him
Just like Brandy and Monica sang before me, “the bear is mine.”