April 22, 2013 · 4:32 pm
From my very limited understanding of history, the last days of Rome were a rough place to be: hedonism, theft, moral malaise. And while I gathered these opinions about the civilization’s decline following a less than five minute Google search, I can confidently say that my declining juncture at my job is probably similar.
Or maybe not. But I am stealing everything that isn’t nailed to the ground. The most eccentric theft to date pertains to my aggressive love of hot sauce.
Some nice person left out a communal hot sauce for the lunch room, and while I appreciate the spirit of generosity I more greatly appreciate free condiments. However, I couldn’t just take the bottle of hot sauce in broad (albeit florescent) daylight. So, I did what every crazy person would do.
I dumped half the bottle of hot sauce into the remains of a Herr’s pretzel bag
And my lunch then consisted of:
it consisted of pretzels, a bag of stolen hot sauce in an old pretzel bag, and – what the hell – I stole a packet of cream cheese for the fun of it
Next up: trying to thieve the vending machine.
Filed under broke, cooking, food, work
Tagged as decline of the roman empire, food, herr's, hot sauce, insubordination, last days of rome, lunch room, moral malaise, philadelphia cream cheese, pretzels, vending machine, work
March 4, 2013 · 6:26 pm
I only own one kitchen appliance. It’s a skillet. It’s made of iron. It’s so large that it could cook me.
leg of lady is on the menu when I’m cookin’, Jack.
The only reason I haven’t thrown it away is because I am sure it could double as a weapon.
But on a rare occasion when my supper isn’t cold pizza with several Yuenglings and a couple ounces of hot sauce, I’ve been known to try and cook rice in that sucker.
But I was steaming the rice with an old VHS organizer
The end of the rice story is that the faux-wood ended up peeling off into the rice and the chemicals mixed with the grains to create a cloud in my kitchen that might have been a noxious and poisonous gas.
But at the end of the day I can still use that skillet to ward off intruders.
Filed under Booze, cooking, food, horrifying, science! technology!
Tagged as cold pizza, cooking, cooking people, couple ounces, dinner, faux wood, food, hot sauce, iron skillet, poisonous gas, rare occasion, rice, skillet, steaming, yuenglings
January 17, 2013 · 2:03 pm
Because I stole a co-worker’s hot sauce and made it into a baby.
August 24, 2012 · 6:12 pm
Here is my fail safe way to get rid of those pesky hangovers.
It will involve a Philadelphia classic: Lee’s Hoagie House (check it!)
Menu for the Janie Cure™: pepperoni cheese steak, hot sauce, cheese fries, diet Coke (aspartame!), Gatorade, cats
Call it quits on this day, you’re stayin’ home.
Filed under Booze, cats, cranky, Philadelphia
Tagged as aspartame, cats, cheese fries, diet Coke, gatorade, hangover, hangover cures, hot sauce, Lee's Hoagie House, pepperoni cheese steak, philadelphia
August 14, 2012 · 6:16 pm
Some time ago, in a land not far far away, a girl made a promise to herself to stop eating as though her fast metabolism was going to last forever.
Just a brief example of what I like to eat for breakfast. Mega Blow Pop stories to follow at a later date.
I have a great deal of trepidation that one day my Cheetos® for breakfast fare will cause me a massive coronary before the age of 30. After much speculation I decided to eat better and exercise regularly. The next day I ate a bagel with cream cheese and Cheez-It®s (see previous entry). So, I figured that maybe I would become obsessed with working out and getting a gym membership.
But so far there is only one thing I am obsessed with.
And, yes, you are seeing that correctly. It’s a pizza covered in Cheez-It®s and then doused with hot sauce.
Fuck you, health
Filed under cooking, food, horrifying, wine
Tagged as blow pops, cadbury eggs, candy, charms, cheese, cheetos, cheez its, cupcakes, green tea ice cream, healthy eating, hot sauce, pizza, sriracha, work