Do you know who always looks great?
Yup. That guy.
Do you know what I also have an affinity for?
Bears (and Bear Ambulances)
What happens when it is the end times at work? The “last days of Rome” days at work? I’ll end up at my office dressed like Where’s Waldo, pulling up that iconic sweater, in front of a statue of bear…that happens to be parked in front of my boss’s office.
Go ahead…fire me. I bear ya!
It should come as no surprise, give my penchant for Napoleon complex like antics, that I am short. Super short. Really fucking small.
five foot shawty assassin
And when you are this damn small, with a habit to get into so much trouble, it’s essential that you learn how to defend yourself when the going gets hostile. My method, since childhood, has been emulation of the moves of professional wrestlers.
I’ve been to two professional wrestling events since my childhood – I wish this was a joke, but that is a Bret Hart shirt from the Holiday Hell Tour in the early 90s. Eat it hipsters and long for my un-ironic ironic WWF swag
So, if you are feeling, say, threatened on your birthday, what should you do? Um…the Million Dollar Dream. Obviously. And you should do this after drinking several pints of home brew outside of bar- unwashed, following a Kool & the Gang sing-a-long.
Get your back up off the wall, do wrestling moves, come on!
Now you can defend yourself!