Tag Archives: bear ambulance

A shocking discovery in the finer details of fire safety

Rut roh. Do you remember when I set my nachos on fire and threw them out of a window? (I do!). Well, a shocking revelation has unfolded.

My friends are the sort of people that would mourn nachos

My friends are the sort of people that would mourn nachos

But then

...balls

…balls

The truth is revealed. There is a chance that maybe, several years ago, I put Triscuts and cheese (“nachos”) in the broiler and left them in there for about fifteen minutes. Opened the broiler only to discover the entire mass in flames. And promptly closed the broiler. I then deferred to an adult about the fire I just started.

fire safety 2 2 2
BA hijinx never forgets…

he also reinterprets artistic You Life works

he also reinterprets artistic You Life works

I am going to star in a Lifetime original movie called, “The Littlest Arsonist.”

And, for the safety of all, I should probably retire from my job as a nacho/Triscut/cheese cook.

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Filed under cooking, food, friends

Holiday Hell Tour: A Molesty Santa

There are certain things that are sacred and unjoking in my [you] life and those are the traditions I have with my closest mates. For the last ten years we have celebrated two things: our own (un PC named) version of Thanksgiving ( see: youfood for the full update), and the other thing is our annual photo with Santa.

Look at those fly people

Look at those fly people

During the holidays tradition is important.

And one part of this holiday tradition is how much bad touching Santa seems to get away with when I sit on his lap.

In the past it was always just a joke pertaining to the fact that due to my size I would have to be the one perched on Santa’s lap. It was a perfect set up for a joke.

However this year Santa amped up his perv game. When I went to sit on his lap it seemed like awkward quarters, what with so many people flanking us. I ended up plopping onto Mrs. Klaus’s lap. So I popped up off her diminutive frame, but Santa full on grabbed my hips to “re-adjust me” on top his lap. And on the way down onto the holiday lap, Santa got a handful of my ass.

He has his hand on my freaking hip in this shot. Damn you, Santa!

He has his hand on my freaking hip in this shot. Damn you, Santa!

So, Santa is kind of a douche bag.

Happy holidays from You Life (and Bear Ambulance) to you

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Filed under cranky, friends, Holidays, horrifying

What I wore to work – the laid off edition

Do you know who always looks great?
where is waldo
Yup. That guy.

Do you know what I also have an affinity for?

Bears (and Bear Ambulances)

Bears (and Bear Ambulances)

What happens when it is the end times at work? The “last days of Rome” days at work? I’ll end up at my office dressed like Where’s Waldo, pulling up that iconic sweater, in front of a statue of bear…that happens to be parked in front of my boss’s office.

Go ahead...fire me.

Go ahead…fire me. I bear ya!

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Filed under Animals, Fashion, work