I find cooking for the workplace to be one of the most difficult tasks of the week: more difficult than getting out of bed or dressing myself. It is even more difficult than showering without a shower curtain.
So how can one create a meal for the work day? Easy! Along with my ability to negotiate loan re-payment plans, I am something of a culinary genius when it comes to crafting the perfect meal for a busy work week.
Here are my tips:
Step 1: Press the snooze button on the alarm five to ten times. Given that the snooze lasts for five minutes, that means you could potentially over-sleep anywhere between 25 minutes to an hour late. You have sacrificed getting up early and making a meal in order to be well rested. Good for you.
Step 2: Get into work.
Step 3: Be overcome with hunger around noon. Stagger to the machines in the lunch room. These machines, which I suspect have become sentient, spin and display a veritable feast of simulated food. If one was hoping to eat a simulation of a beef burrito, then this machine would be the place to go
Step 4: Give machine a ridiculous amount of money.
Step 5: Take meal, in this case Hormel’s instant chili mac’ n’ cheese, and microwave it until it becomes a bubbling volcano of a lunch item.
Step 6: While mystery lunch meat with macaroni (no cheese to be found) is microwaving, go to other vending machine.
Step 7: Get Fritos®
Step 8: Take “food” back to desk. Open bag of Fritos® dump them on top of the chili.
Step 9: Eat with a spoon, like a shovel piling empty calories and sadness into your mouth.
Step 10: Give up on yourself.
Filed under cooking, food
Like most bloggers I have a Zen for cooking and the finer things. Becoming a foodie was one of my aspirations when I turned twenty-three. As it turns out, there are certain things that a foodie needs: mainly food and kitchen appliances. So, when I search through my kitchen cupboard now at the age of twenty-seven, I discover that it has become a graveyard for old cartons of food: the wrappers of Twinkies and ancient boxes of Tastykake’s Kandy Kakes.
The moral of this story is that I don’t have much in the way of food or kitchen appliances. But never fear! You can make delicious tasty treats without the aid of fancy kitchen appliances. A person doesn’t need a dehydrator, iron skillet, blender, or even forks to make a wonderful meal.
That brings us to the picture on my header.
Those up there are the most delicious mashed potatoes that the East Coast has to offer. And what’s the best part? I didn’t use a masher. Why? I don’t have one because I believe it is a frivolous waste of money in these trying economic times. Instead, I spent masher money on a delicious craft beer in the style of George Washington’s porter. Then, I used the bottle to mash the potatoes. GW would have been so proud to see my industrious spirit in the face of adversity, just like during the Revolution. (You will see in the background that my friend was making his own mashed potatoes using a potato masher. He chose those because he is a British loyalist that only appreciates colonialism and hatred).
Filed under beer, cooking