It’s high time for an anniversary edition of You Life, but since this just occurred to me and I missed the date by four months I guess this is just a retrospect.
You Life started with an instructional guide on how to devastate some PBRs and then paint a kitchen table. Memories
And to celebrate that momentous occasion in the old apartment I’ve unearthed some gems
That is an omnipresent specter presiding over the battle of zombies vs unicorns
The glory that was the kitchen – with the masterpiece center stage
A better view of the unicorn side, before the 6th grade notebook tagging joined the battle
Clear view of the zombie side. That zombie has a bloody unicorn tail in his palm
But I feel strongly that the unicorns prevailed
Happy anniversary, You Life!
Sometimes You Life needs a guest who is doing the productive stuff. That is the case this week. I have done nothing in the creation of this; it is all the efforts of another.
My boyfriend has a backyard that is generally populated by junkyard cats (all of which we have named: Buster, Auntie, and the babies). It is also the home for a great deal of garbage that neighbors dump there instead of walking to the front of the complex. In an effort to create a hospitable environment for himself, and with the hopes that there might be summer barbecues in the backyard, boyfriend decided to turn his trash heap of a backyard into a garden.
This proved a problem due to the unusually large amount of cinderblocks dumped onto the land. But, always the optimist, boyfriend tilled the soil, got rid of the garbage, and used an old (soaking wet) mattress to turn the cinderblocks into the foundation for an urban garden.
We had the tools of the trade (mattress, beer, spray paint, and American pride) and urban gardening prevailed. You life is not so urban garden as ours.
Captains of industriousness!
I thought I would start “You Life” off with an instructional craft project. This is one of my favorite projects; it is called “painting the kitchen table.”
Step 1: You will need several people to help with this project. Crafting doesn’t have to be a solitary activity, and this project’s success is especially contingent on the participation of a crafting community.
Step 2: Drink. A lot of drinking will be required. The entire crafting party will need to consume, on average, quantities of cheap alcohol that is comparable to the weight of an African elephant. The variety of booze is left to the discretion of the crafters. My crafting party preferred the thirty case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, as it only costs $16, but Canadian Hunter whiskey and Banker’s Club are also viable options.
Step 3: Move to the table. It doesn’t have to be a table; it can be a desk or a cabinet. It could even be a couch. The kitchen table just seemed like the perfect canvas.
Step 4: Pick a theme. An overarching theme for the table will create a more visually cohesive end product. Our theme was zombies versus unicorns with an omnipresent specter of Orlando Bloom presiding. Halfway through the project, we switched up the battle scene to include doodles from a sixth grade notebook.
Step 5: Proceed with painting. Each crafter picked the side they wanted to paint and executed it to the best of their abilities. It is best to use acrylic paint and paintbrushes, but water colors and hands work equally well depending on what you are trying to portray.
Step 6: Use fixative to protect the work once it is dried, though I don’t believe we did…
Voila! You have a lovely table that is both functional and a great conversation piece.