Author Archives: anotherintro

anotherintro's avatar

About anotherintro

Jane-Rebecca Cannarella is an editor at HOOT Review, a cat lady, and a Nutella enthusiast. When not poorly playing the piano, she chronicles the many ways that she embarrasses herself at the website www.youlifeisnotsogreat.com. She occasionally drinks wine out of a mug that has a smug poodle on it, and she’s not great at writing in the third person.
December 28, 2011 · 5:11 pm

Some people have children

Some people have children. And that is great. There is nothing more beautiful, or horrifying, than babies. The thing with babies is that they require certain things: food, clothes, a home, and, occasionally, love and attention. Depending on what is going on in my life the above might not be readily available, so I don’t have kids. Additionally, I am frightened of all the ways that a baby might be extricated from my body. Also, I don’t want to give up coffee, cigarettes, gin, or raw fish while I am pregnant.

So I have cats. And I call them my babies. Sometimes I put clothes on them. I also sing them songs; they have favorite bands. I have given them middle names and last names.

On other, happier, lifestyle blogs you might see pictures of chubby-faced babies in adorable outfits, or tasting ice cream for the first time. You might see cute families encouraging the baby to look at the camera for one of their millions of family portraits.

There will be none of that here. Instead there will be many pictures of my two babies: Liono and George. Sometimes they might be wearing clothing; sometimes they might be sharing pasta and Yuenglings with me. But they will certainly be present. Often. Also, I might make music videos about cats.

5 Comments

Filed under cats

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

December 27, 2011 · 7:39 pm

How to create an artistic kitchen table

I thought I would start “You Life” off with an instructional craft project. This is one of my favorite projects; it is called “painting the kitchen table.”

Step 1: You will need several people to help with this project. Crafting doesn’t have to be a solitary activity, and this project’s success is especially contingent on the participation of a crafting community.

Step 2: Drink. A lot of drinking will be required. The entire crafting party will need to consume, on average, quantities of cheap alcohol that is comparable to the weight of an African elephant. The variety of booze is left to the discretion of the crafters. My crafting party preferred the thirty case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, as it only costs $16, but Canadian Hunter whiskey and Banker’s Club are also viable options.

Step 3: Move to the table. It doesn’t have to be a table; it can be a desk or a cabinet. It could even be a couch. The kitchen table just seemed like the perfect canvas.

Step 4: Pick a theme. An overarching theme for the table will create a more visually cohesive end product. Our theme was zombies versus unicorns with an omnipresent specter of Orlando Bloom presiding. Halfway through the project, we switched up the battle scene to include doodles from a sixth grade notebook.

Step 5: Proceed with painting. Each crafter picked the side they wanted to paint and executed it to the best of their abilities. It is best to use acrylic paint and paintbrushes, but water colors and hands work equally well depending on what you are trying to portray.

Step 6: Use fixative to protect the work once it is dried, though I don’t believe we did…

Voila! You have a lovely table that is both functional and a great conversation piece.

1 Comment

Filed under crafts

Tagged as , , , , , , ,