There are many incredible things that I was tardy to the party for: The Wire, the awesomeness of video games, orgasms. Despite the depression that comes with finding amazing things late in the game, I would be a less of a person had I never discovered them. This brings me to the most important discovery of my adult life.
During the entirety of my youth I was completely unaware of a certain phenomenon sweeping the land. It was called “the boy band.” I, too, had a boy band phase as a child. For this band:
Peter Tork, you’re so fine!
I was under the impression that the Monkees were a contemporary band (during the 90s) and therefore lauded my admiration for them, endlessly watching taped re-runs of the show on our Beta Max. If you were still wondering, yes I did live a very sheltered life.
However, most well adjusted tweens during this time were sacrificing to the alter of a much more popular god:
Those hats, that hair!
I was completely unaware of this group, or any of their songs, until my boyfriend introduced me to this song at the age of twenty-six:
(spoiler alert: Donnie Walhberg eats a baseball at the end of the video!).
This started my obsession, sixteen years late, with New Kids on the Block. I am so bummed that I missed out on the cultural phenomenon that was NKOTB. They are like a bizarre sociology experiment (I love you, Jordan!) that at one point covered the Delfonics.
they also fuck the air in front of a room full of children
My greatest obsession is with how they dress, and like any teenage devotee I decided to try and emulate their style.
or drink late in the night, wearing over-sized overalls and trying to do the dance moves from Step by Step
Bolstered by those late night dancing sessions I decided to Donnie Wahlberg my jeans
Damn.
Step 1 (we can have lots of fun) Take your jeans and attempt acid washing (tub, chlorine, and rubbing). Mine only dyed to a lighter blue
Step 2 (There’s so much we can do!) attempt fraying process. I started off with scissors.
Step 3 (It’s just you and me!): Scissors didn’t work. I then used a cheese grater.
Step 4 (I can give you more!): Cheese grater was not working. I used an exacto knife, which gave me the best results, also time consuming.
Step 5 (don’t you know that the time has arrived!). I gave up and then just cut holes into the jeans and pulled on the strings.
You too can look like a New Kid. Hang tough, ya’ll.
PS: all pictures (with the exception of the ones of me) are the property of the owner. No theft intended. Peace!
You life is not so great 