Tag Archives: food

What did you do at work today?

love me

love me

Because I stole a co-worker’s hot sauce and made it into a baby.

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Filed under doodles, food, work

My chips are serious as hell

I like most things in my life to have a very high production value. But it came as a shock to me to see my chips taking life so seriously, especially considering their humble origin from the 79 cent chip rack at 7-11 (girl’s gotta eat)

Damn son

I can finally throw my vibrator away, these chips are going to be satisfying me from now on.

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Deceitful candy corn

Look closely at this

ya lookin’?

What does this look like to you? Does it look like candy? An adorable pumpkin shaped candy? Let’s say you dig your hand into the basket of Halloween candy in the back of your office pull this out, think it’s some sort of candy corn, and proceed to eat it.

When you realize that it’s actually an eraser, and that you are eating an eraser at work, what would you do:

  1. Covertly spit it out while hiding the shame on your face
  2. Try to pull it off like it IS actually candy and just eat an eraser

I did one of the above. I will let you decide which.

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Filed under food, work

Hurricane Sandy and lotsa fuckin’ candy


Oh hey! There was hurricane throughout the East Coast from Sunday to Tuesday of last week. Did you hear about this? Gotta tell you, I ignored every single news report of it because my evil Canadian overlord (see: my job) almost assuredly wouldn’t close. I prepared for the hurricane as the best little You Life I could be. I went to the dollar store and got the essentials:

cat food – look at how fucking terrified that cat is, also 30% protein? Amazing. Cat litter – for cartoon animals

And diet coke.

Sunday night I was lounging when I got a call that indicated that the East Coast was going to fall into the ocean: my office was closed. Perhaps I should have purchased a candle? Nope – let the rains come.

The beginning of the hurricane stay-vaction

On Monday I woke up to a gray sky, but nothing that indicated to me that the gods’ were wrathful. After waking up, going back to sleep, waking up again, and then trying to make a cup of coffee from an espresso machine that I forgot I stole from a cunty ex-roommate I was up. Starving. Bored.

So I assessed the following two things: the secret reserves in the apartment

This is for the end times. The secret storage of candy, syrup, and strawberry fluff

And how it looked outside:

Let’s be frank. There is only so much reading, movie watching, hobby-doing, and masturbating that a person can do in one day. At around two I had enough. I left the apartment to walk to get food. Nothing was open. So then, I did what any adult would do.

I went to see how terrifying the playground was during the hurricane

Shortly after going on the swings a police officer drove by and gave me a very stern tongue lashing pertaining to the idiocy of wandering around during a storm.

Returned home.

Sent this text message to my best friend after the lights started flickering:

“I better not have to wank off by candle light” (it would be like jerking off during Little House of the Prairie times. I want to crank it with all of the modern amenities).

Hunger took over. So I did what I needed to do…

I defrosted the chocolate bunnies from Easter, seven months earlier, and covered them in Cupcake magic shell for dinner

Sadness. Utter sadness.

Finally a friend without power came over with the barest of cooking supplies (defrosted chicken thighs, a mini pan, rice, and rum). Seeing as how I don’t own any of the following: cooking oil, a pot, utensils, or a pan it was going to be a trial to cook both the chicken and rice. But, since I am a bit of a fucking wizard I made an entire meal using the smallest frying pan known to man and an iron skillet that was so large that it could have cooked me. I steamed the rice in the skillet with a pizza box. INDUSTRIOUSNESS.

While cooking this a Queen song played in the background. What is covering the bitty frying pan? A metal pizza “stone” …rust side up.

Tuesday:

Tried to sleep in. With great success

Played SNES for hours

In the battle for Kirby dominance I told Happy Brother Senior to eat an entire bag of dicks and finished the victor.

And then it all de-evolved after the second entire day without leaving the apartment. It de-evolved into me creating this “mojito” mix that I think was a code for rat poison. It called to fill a plastic bucket with warm water, this neon green powder, and rum. Later on that day I could be found amongst the piles of VHS tapes in my apartment, eating the slushy poison out of a bucket, dancing to the last song from the credits in Legend.

No seriously, Tangerine Dream is fucking out of this world amazing.

And that is how I survived.

Because I was fine. And my love was strong enough.

Hearts, and flowers, and posi vibes to those not as ridiculously fortunate as me.

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Filed under apartment, Booze, cooking, food, friends, movies, music, Philadelphia, work

Have you done anything supa’ sexy recently?

I totally have. I got all naked, and soapy, and wet with….

My dishes!

Because my sink is clogged and I promised myself that I would wash my dishes by hell or high water. Instead, I forgot about them. So, we all ended up showering together once my hair began to smell offensive.

Happy Friday.

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Filed under apartment, going green, horrifying

A peak into the life

I thought it might be interesting to get sneak peeks into the actual world of ‘You Life.’

The first installment is “what is in my refrigerator?” Here’s a look:

the breakfast of champions

It is stocked with all of the essentials: an empty metal thermos, the cheapest tall boy I could find, the dredges of a diet coke, and a box of cotton candy fudge.

And, in case I run out of room in my bite-sized apartment, I can always use my fridge for storage.

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Filed under beer, cooking