Tag Archives: terrifying

Fluvious

Since I am obviously completely incapable of kicking an illness in any sort of normal amount of human time, I have been crumpling under the weight of congestion, nausea, sore throat, and exhaustion for over a week now.

But, since I also refuse to give up the overtime availability at my job I still attended work. I say “attended” because what I did while there (other than watch Mighty Ducks) was stare my computer screen and feel sorry for myself.

However, a very kindly co-worker found a space heater for which I could heat away the chill.

But since I can’t just ethically come into work today with a fever and a disinterest in the health of my co-workers, I eventually took the time off

To spend all of it in my bathtub steaming away rivers of mucus

And after I got out of the bath the next day I noticed something. Something…horrifying.

What the Jesus is that?

Evidently while I was at work trying to heat myself out of a flu and galvanize myself into keeping my eyes open, I had pressed my feet against the space heater until I eventually gave myself superficial second degree burns.

So I did what any person would do. I lanced them with a pin. And by pin…I mean corkscrew.

It was with this exact corkscrew, actually. I am not lying. Thanks corkscrew-nacorn

And now it looks like it’s healing…

Or perhaps my foot is going to fall off

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Filed under horrifying, illness

Irish…eat your children

I love how holidays are documented on other lifestyle blogs. They’re cute as hell and the blogger is forever making some holiday themed craft. Go them! And the next day (or sometimes even a play-by-play while the holiday is happening) a thousand little instagram pictures are birthed and displayed all over the fucking internet.

Happy Easter!

But, since I have finally re-covered from my hangover, this is about my St. Patrick’s day…you will notice that the lives of my mates are also quite magical…

We do fanatically adorable and interesting things:

Like playing “chicken.” There are no winners

Or…this?

I honestly have no clue. At this point of the evening I had thrown a bottle of whiskey at an abandoned asbestos factory, and was then convinced that I had killed a bird in the process. My friends told me it was more likely a kitten that was killed.

I don’t even know what this is, but it’s pissing horrifying.

Hmmm. sweating a bunch in this horrifying photo that looks like the beginning of a snuff film. By this point of the evening I had taken a disco nap and woke up to find these shenanigans (hey! It is St. Patrick's Day) going on in the kitchen.

And then the next day you take a picture of what poverty looks like.

In this case it looks like pretzels for lunch and the many many many packets of McDonald’s ketchup that I ended up stealing…when I stole the entire condiment rack. And then got asked to never return to McDonald's hallowed establishment

 

Happy holidays, from my friends to you!

 

 

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Filed under beer, friends, horrifying, Philadelphia