Well, I found the only food worth eating from now on
I don’t know if it’s made with rage or makes your full of rage. Either way, I’m in
Category Archives: food
I’m not looking for a pizza that will last/ I know what I need and I need a pizza fast
I think it was Marvin Gaye that once sang: “Don’t you know how sweet and wonderful life can be?/ I’m asking you, pizza, to get it on with me”
Newest Recipe
All of my friends are running, and fitbit’ing, and learning how to cook with organic vegetables.
This is what I’m doing:
If you’re interested in the recipe it’s called “I Dare You, Heart Failure” :
You’ll need:
* Kraft Easy Mac – Nacho Flavor
* any brand cheese puff
* an indefatigable sense of hubris
* healthy arteries
Directions:
* cook Easy Mac
* fold in cheese puffs
* laugh in the face of good taste and healthy living.
Take Another Little Pizza My Heart Now Baby
It’s your feelings, it’s my feelings, it’s pizza feelings
(PS: I’m not funny enough to have come up with that title, credit for that goes to Kevin )
Things Pizzas Do We Love
I’ve already discussed my absolute new obsession with this amazingly hilarious tumblr highlighting the “things boys do we love.” And because I think the universe knew that I couldn’t just stop with one pizza-photo-feeling, it delivered me the gift of an incredibly spiritual pizza. Because, on a visceral level, I think collectively everyone can agree that there are much more photo opportunities for “things pizzas do we love,” than boys. So I bring you MORE feelings made easy with photos & words, or “pizza feelings.” (or “things pizzas do we love”).
Jesus and I are on the same page when it comes to pizza
Feelings made easy with photos & words
Do you remember the trends in the 90s when it came to advancing technology? It was, like, AIM and chat rooms for years. I never really had to keep up outside of discussing the various benefits of having Stone Cold Steve Austen on your side in a tag team match on the WWF chat room (fuck you, I was 13), or keeping my away messages current.
I miss you, too
Now there is too much for me to keep up with. Trends on the internet are insane. Recently I went on Tumblr and discovered something that, seemingly, has been going on forever without my notice. Something that I find heartening. Something extremely encouraging for someone as emotionally stunted as myself.
Words helping you express…I’m not exactly sure
As it turns out you can start expressing the expressionless sentiment by just adding some random phrases onto a photo. I don’t really even think the photo matters.
In an effort to better articulate my emotions I tried it myself:
it’s all in the white text
And as I got caught in a wormhole of this trend, I discovered that it can even be applied to what you find attractive in the gender of your choice. There are entire sites dedicated to it!
I just…really?
In my effort to expand this white text on photographic background expressing our emotions (sort of?) I wanted to ensure that there are people similar to myself who are represented by white text in front of random photo.
For all us bleeding with white-text based feelings, this is for you:
Filed under food, science! technology!, the interwebz
This is the dawning of the age of the bitchy office notes
At first I was willing to deal with the office monster in extremely good humor. See ? I even came to the defense of the fridge monster because 1. That note was written by the hand of someone who gives too much of a fuck 2. Because fridge monster at that point had eaten two containers of hummus I left in there and I wasn’t really that bothered because 3. I used to be the fridge monster at my last job
But since I wrote my hilarious response to office bastardry, and I thought I had sorted out some solidarity with hungry co-worker and fellow thief; fridge monster seems to have taken sole and exclusive comfort in my lunch bag. With extreme consumption prejudice – they ate my leftovers. I’ve retaliated.
I don’t even know myself anymore. The hunted has become the hunter.
The rise of office bitchery
While I would generally never update twice in the same week, something so magical has happened that it warranted the effort to type.
Like a phoenix rising from bitchy ashes, more passive aggressive notes have flown into the break room.
let me fill the break room with my suck!
It’s honestly better than I could ever wish for:
RAR RAR RAR WRATH WRATH WRATH. “I’m going to write this instead of a nice note that says ‘please don’t eat my food, I’m broke and doing so is silly'” RAR RAR RAR
I feel this person’s pain. So I wrote a note in solidarity (or in sarcasm). I think it speaks for itself:
Only when it feeds upon the blood of the innocent will the refrigerator monster leave us alone!
Together. In perfect unity.
Halloween haunting, the You Life edition
Since funemployment, I recently moved out of the delightful shitbox that I formerly called, “home.” It was a hard readjustment and a tearful farewell to all of the things I had gotten so used to: no heat, questionable fire safety, a garbage fridge. But, I have new things to look forward to now. One of these things I was affectionately referring to as “homeless’ing,” where I would delight in staying on friends’ couches.
Since I am the luckiest of ladies, two of my friends granted me a headquarters where I might unpack my cat knickknacks on a less transient basis.
But just like bad credit and scabies follows a person, I have a very special spectral visitor.
What’s that?!
No. It can’t be. There is no possible way that this can what I think it is. Because what I think it is a misplaced crock pot filled with poisonous old food. I remember something like this; something dark, and evil, and filled with some sort of chili…
No!
My trash-fridge is my own personal version of a Stephen King novel. Because upon closer inspection it seems like trash-fridge chili is following me. Haunting me…
Oh come on
I might have created a sentient being in trash-fridge. And I feel like I’m not paranoid in saying that the ghost of it is trying to murder me. IT’S THE CHILI OF THE UNDEAD!
Happy Halloween, all!
Filed under apartment, cooking, food, Holidays, horrifying, science! technology!, zombies
You life is not so great 