Category Archives: food

Things Pizzas Do We Love

I’ve already discussed my absolute new obsession with this amazingly hilarious tumblr highlighting the “things boys do we love.” And because I think the universe knew that I couldn’t just stop with one pizza-photo-feeling, it delivered me the gift of an incredibly spiritual pizza. Because, on a visceral level, I think collectively everyone can agree that there are much more photo opportunities for “things pizzas do we love,” than boys. So I bring you MORE feelings made easy with photos & words, or “pizza feelings.” (or “things pizzas do we love”).

Jesus and I are on the same page when it comes to pizza

Jesus and I are on the same page when it comes to pizza

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Filed under food, pizza

Feelings made easy with photos & words

Do you remember the trends in the 90s when it came to advancing technology? It was, like, AIM and chat rooms for years. I never really had to keep up outside of discussing the various benefits of having Stone Cold Steve Austen on your side in a tag team match on the WWF chat room (fuck you, I was 13), or keeping my away messages current.

I miss you, too

I miss you, too

Now there is too much for me to keep up with. Trends on the internet are insane. Recently I went on Tumblr and discovered something that, seemingly, has been going on forever without my notice. Something that I find heartening. Something extremely encouraging for someone as emotionally stunted as myself.

Words helping you express...I'm not exactly sure

Words helping you express…I’m not exactly sure

Source

As it turns out you can start expressing the expressionless sentiment by just adding some random phrases onto a photo. I don’t really even think the photo matters.

In an effort to better articulate my emotions I tried it myself:

it's all in the white text

it’s all in the white text

And as I got caught in a wormhole of this trend, I discovered that it can even be applied to what you find attractive in the gender of your choice. There are entire sites dedicated to it!

I just...really?

I just…really?

Source

In my effort to expand this white text on photographic background expressing our emotions (sort of?) I wanted to ensure that there are people similar to myself who are represented by white text in front of random photo.

For all us bleeding with white-text based feelings, this is for you:
pizza the hut

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Filed under food, science! technology!, the interwebz

This is the dawning of the age of the bitchy office notes

At first I was willing to deal with the office monster in extremely good humor. See ? I even came to the defense of the fridge monster because 1. That note was written by the hand of someone who gives too much of a fuck 2. Because fridge monster at that point had eaten two containers of hummus I left in there and I wasn’t really that bothered because 3. I used to be the fridge monster at my last job

But since I wrote my hilarious response to office bastardry, and I thought I had sorted out some solidarity with hungry co-worker and fellow thief; fridge monster seems to have taken sole and exclusive comfort in my lunch bag. With extreme consumption prejudice – they ate my leftovers.  I’ve retaliated.
photo (1)
photo (2)

I don’t even know myself anymore.  The hunted has become the hunter.

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Filed under Animals, broke, cranky, food, work

The rise of office bitchery

While I would generally never update twice in the same week, something so magical has happened that it warranted the effort to type.

Like a phoenix rising from bitchy ashes, more passive aggressive notes have flown into the break room.

let me fill the break room with my suck!

let me fill the break room with my suck!

It’s honestly better than I could ever wish for:

RAR RAR RAR WRATH WRATH WRATH. "I'm going to write this instead of a nice note that says 'please don't eat my food, I'm broke and doing so is silly'" RAR RAR RAR

RAR RAR RAR WRATH WRATH WRATH. “I’m going to write this instead of a nice note that says ‘please don’t eat my food, I’m broke and doing so is silly'” RAR RAR RAR

I feel this person’s pain. So I wrote a note in solidarity (or in sarcasm). I think it speaks for itself:

Only when it feeds upon the blood of the innocent will the refrigerator monster leave us alone!

Only when it feeds upon the blood of the innocent will the refrigerator monster leave us alone!

Together. In perfect unity.
photo (22)

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Filed under cranky, doodles, food, letters

Ask and you shall receive

An answer to the eternal question:
coffee cup

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Filed under Booze, doodles, food

Halloween haunting, the You Life edition

Since funemployment, I recently moved out of the delightful shitbox that I formerly called, “home.” It was a hard readjustment and a tearful farewell to all of the things I had gotten so used to: no heat, questionable fire safety, a garbage fridge. But, I have new things to look forward to now. One of these things I was affectionately referring to as “homeless’ing,” where I would delight in staying on friends’ couches.

Since I am the luckiest of ladies, two of my friends granted me a headquarters where I might unpack my cat knickknacks on a less transient basis.

But just like bad credit and scabies follows a person, I have a very special spectral visitor.

What's that?!

What’s that?!

No. It can’t be. There is no possible way that this can what I think it is. Because what I think it is a misplaced crock pot filled with poisonous old food. I remember something like this; something dark, and evil, and filled with some sort of chili…

No!

No!

My trash-fridge is my own personal version of a Stephen King novel. Because upon closer inspection it seems like trash-fridge chili is following me. Haunting me…

Oh come on

Oh come on

I might have created a sentient being in trash-fridge. And I feel like I’m not paranoid in saying that the ghost of it is trying to murder me. IT’S THE CHILI OF THE UNDEAD!

Happy Halloween, all!

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Filed under apartment, cooking, food, Holidays, horrifying, science! technology!, zombies

Trash Fridge: the Final Chapter

Trash Fridge the Finale

 Just like that weird song based off of those bible verses, there is a season for everything before you have to turn on it (or something?). And this was the season to empty out trash fridge. The fridge was so fecund with trash that it really couldn’t accommodate anymore even if I had wanted.

I gathered some support:

cleansing fire

cleansing fire

And faced my figurative, and more than likely literal, demons.

The heavenly light is like a taunt

The heavenly light is like a taunt

Did I mention that there is a freezer that came with my refrigerator?

cause there is

cause there is

Things were relatively fine. I managed to wage war with an oozing black liquid that reminded me of Hexxus from FernGully: The Last Rainforest 

Remember me? I was just in hiding again

Remember me? I was just in hiding again

But like every war there is a particular battle that essentially determines the winner. And when it came to the final foe in The War of the Garbage Fridge (2011 -2013) I honestly couldn’t be sure who was going to come out the victor: me or vegan chili in the back of the fridge.

Before you start looking at following pictures, please play the following song.

[audio http://www.conteadiwagner.com/audio/sf.mp3]
the humanity

the humanity

I cried.

But at the end. What was once filled with only garbage was left, a little shaken, a little barren, but filled with some edibles:

kind of?

kind of?

And this was the only expression I could think of that would accurately sum up really the whole experience.

Spot is letting me know that the person I truly let down was myself

Spot is letting me know that the person I truly let down was myself

 

 

 

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Filed under apartment, food