I haven’t written anything since the year changed, but I’m kind of lazy and tired right now. So here is a picture of a seagull with a penis that I snapchatted to someone a few days ago. Happy New Year.
Come away with me
Author Archives: anotherintro
Job opportunities
Everyone has signed up for job alerts, right? I mean…unless you’re an heiress chances are you’ve signed up for Smart Match, and Beyond, and Monster, and Indeed (or InFact or whatever it’s called). And then your name goes on a list and you end up getting emails from The Ladders, and Duke Careers, and High Life – right?
I think the way these emails have evolved is purely magical. Since I haven’t cultivated the garden of employment emails, or specific job skills, in the last three years my email alerts for new jobs make me feel like I’m a spy. Also, the diverse nature of my abilities according to these alerts is truly staggering. See:
Either a bartender at TGIFridays – an establishment I was previously fired from. OR an exciting new career as an International Communications Manager – a job I’ve never heard of.
And of course:
The viable option for me to be a physician at Abington Hospital.
Thanks, email! That was fun for both of us.
Filed under Uncategorized, work
Cataloging Custom for You [Life]
I used to work for a legitimate crazy person at her home office, which is a horse of different color. But one day these two super-hot dudes came to her door and said they were selling books. So instantly suckered into their little web of deceit, my boss and I bought like $45 worth of books. Fun side note, the grimier one of the dudes gave me his number in case I needed my, “lawn trimmed” (his words, not mine).
After six months, it became apparent that two jerk-offs ripped off an old (crazy) lady and a young girl. No books appeared. However, I did start receiving a subscription to Gourmet Magazine that I never requested or paid for.
Because sometimes the universe rewards you by being ripped off by someone who you thought was flirting with you with a magazine that you’ve never been interested in, used, or really read. And then it further rewards you by sending you William Sonoma catalogues for two years following, assumedly because of it. Thanks, universe!
And something similar happened to my best friend Shawn recently:
Oh you know what day it is
REJOICE!
It’s the best day of the year for me.
BLESSED BE
In consideration of this celebration, I’ve compiled several resources to help you and your feline friend get the most out of your day:
You Life: the redaction
Not since the new York Times accidentally leaked an NSA employee’s name has a publication made such a grievous error. It has come to my attention that I made a abysmal mistake in my previous update. This blunder was brought to me by my co-worker and friend “Micha…” in yesterdays chat (and chat photo). As it turns out when I was picking G.I. Joe characters I picked a inaccurate character to represent him. I originally intended Duke to be used for someone else, but sheer laziness and Microsoft Paint had other plans.
This was my miscalculation and embarrassing oversight.
Since Micha… was kind enough to bring to my attention the horrendous slip-up on my part, as a favor I am issuing a redaction with a correction. Mea Culpa, Micha…! Thankfully, he was so magnanimous that he even offered me a list to pick from for the corrected inter-office chat photo:
he makes so many valid points
Let’s hope that You Life doesn’t flounder into the world of Brian Williams-like disreputable-ness. Here is the corrected hilarity from yesterday:
This one is for you Micha…
Filed under office shenanigans, work
You Life on Fire
Wow, my laziness has gotten the best of me in regards to updating the ol’ You Life. Let’s change that, and I can make empty promises to be more diligent about keeping this current. Since, I’m a sort of finger on the pulse of politics kinda girl here’s a topical post.
In the inter-office chat we discuss stupidity, and I knock it out of the park with my zingers. I also changed everyone’s chat icons to G.I. Joe characters (with the exception of myself, which I have indicated as such).
Take that wealthy politicians! Be hurt by my bitchery.
Smiley Cheeks
And now, a very special You Life with a guest appearance from my dearest friend (who will remain anonymous).
A one act. Told in photos. You’ll catch on.
Filed under bro dudes, stress ball, stress balls
Why not drop me a line?
At my job we have an inter-office chat where your co-workers can hit you up about whatever they have a question about, or just general shenanigans. We can put little inspirational quotes above our names that give glimpses into the inner psyche of you as a worker bee.
Here is mine:
and she wouldn’t give it to me!!!!
No one’s gotten it.
PS I did not green-light that photo of me. It’s the cruel image that the sadistic people that take our ID photos took. And for some reason it’s linked to everything I do at the office.
Abandoned hot dogs: the unspoken mystery
Today in the world of the Internet I started a new research project regarding the world’s favorite phallic-shaped, baseball treat: the hot dog. But to be more specific, is there a particular cluster of individuals that randomly abandons hot dogs?
Google searching “abandoned hot dog” brought up some tantalizing images that would surely infect my work computer with the gnarliest of viruses if I had the opportunity to peruse them longer (co-workers and bosses really throwing a wrench into the explicit imagery searches at the workplace).
Editing the search terms slightly (“famous abandoned hot dogs,” “people that lose hot dogs,” “getting rid of hot dogs”) generated some extremely interesting photos, including the following:
of course Miley popped up in the searches
The reason for this current Internet sleuthing has been a current(ish) workplace quandary. One day someone brought in uncooked hot dogs in a plastic bag, took them out of the fridge, and then just left it by the sink for the entire day. This isn’t a giant break room that you’d see at some Goliath of industry. It’s the place where the free coffee lives, and anyone that goes in there once would go in there a hundred times.
Hour 3 of abandoned hot dog, let us reflect
In the mystery of the displaced hot dog: who is the sort of person that brings in hot dogs to their office, takes it out of the fridge, and then completely abandons it? And why leave it on the side of the sink? And did the person never ever return to the break room and see their hot dog left by the sink? And if they did come in and see it, why not throw it away? WHY IS THIS HOT DOG ABANDONED HERE?
It’s summer, topics are slow. Hot dogs are perfectly reasonable subject material.
Actually, Missing Poster, I do believe that this is the correct usage of “your”
Filed under work
Latest reading material
While this is actually probably really captivating reading, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old:
Filed under Reading Materials
You life is not so great 