Well hello. Are you familiar with this masterpiece of a music video?
Are you familiar with this beverage?
If you mix these two things for several hours and happen to be me, you will get this as a result:
I was going to write more…but I think that’s enough.
Oh actually, there is more. I am wearing the same “outfit” from this post:
https://youlifeisnotsogreat.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/style-is-as-style-doesnt-get-off-the-couch/
I look more like a consumptive child than usual today.
It’s always bad when my bangs are pulled back
Here is a brief email exchange as to why my eyes are larger than normal and I’m dressed like Small Wonder (nah, I just like dressing like Small Wonder).
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Janie
> Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2012 12:34 PM
To: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
Fever – check, swollen tonsils – check, achy – check,
freezing – checkToday I was supposed to get the flu shot – I love the irony. I feel like I am going to cry/die
And hurled the gifting of some French fries by a coworker in the middle of writing this.
Whine
Yes – read correctly, I got the flu on the day I was supposed to get the flu shot.
— On Thu, 11/15/12, Zachary wrote
From: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Janie”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:18 PM
I hope you feel better. I’m pretty sure Tundy is a doctor, so confer with him forthwith
To whom is he referencing?
Only paging Dr. Liono – that’s all
From: Janie
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Zachary”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:25 PM
Poor shirt storm! I have listened to Joanna Newsom on loop and loop and felt so sorry for myself and melancholy and sick that I went into the bathroom and wept for my own self pity. As it turns out I am the worst sick person in the world, certainly the most over dramatic.
Peach, Plum, Pear is also quite sad.
And truthfully, the National didn’t help either.
But then again I also cried listening to Mighty Ducks III, which I have spelled Mighty Fucks so many times today I lost count.
But on further inspection….
My Adam Banks…how you’ve grown….
I have a new neighbor.
As it turns out we want different things in our apartments
amirite? (to break that up for you it was “am I right?” and we all know I am)
And if you were curious:
1. That’s a water stain from when the upstairs shower leaks.
2. One of those welcome mats might be a pizza box.
Sometimes you have friends that are mad talented and they immortalize you on the internet because of your cat lady-ness. Go check out this fine girl’s work. Also, cats in a me suit.
http://www.kellymeissner.blogspot.ca/2012/10/cat-lady-tuesday.html
Here is my fail safe way to get rid of those pesky hangovers.
It will involve a Philadelphia classic: Lee’s Hoagie House (check it!)
http://www.leeshoagiehouse.com/locations.htm
Menu for the Janie Cure™: pepperoni cheese steak, hot sauce, cheese fries, diet Coke (aspartame!), Gatorade, cats
Call it quits on this day, you’re stayin’ home.
Filed under Booze, cats, cranky, Philadelphia
Have you ever met someone so crazy and obsessive about things that you aren’t entirely sure that they haven’t escaped a mental hospital? They say yes to everything? They’re enthusiasm is terrifying?
they are not so secretly obsessed with trying to become a member of the Loving Spoonful?
I never want to miss out on an opportunity to say “yes,” additionally I was always obsessed with the movie Rock-A-Doodle. After watching the most brilliant of Don Bleuth movies I knew I had wanted a pet that looked just like Chanticleer the rooster.
Who the hell wouldn’t?
But I didn’t actually want a rooster. What was the second best option? No, not a pet chicken…This is when my obsession with naked cats began, because they look like store-bought uncooked chickens. So, when a friend was moving and needed to find his Sphinx cat a home, I said yes. Instantly. I now have a new cat. She looks a cross between a scrotum, an uncooked chicken, ET, and a raptor.
clever girl…
She reminds me of Easy Mac and feels like a warm peach.
Currently she is reigning terror on the Orange and White Boys ™
I am not saying I am a trendsetter
But I am totally a fucking trendsetter.
Credit where credit is due, Lil Wayne.
We live in frightening times, unquestionably. I used to work for a woman who after seeing too many episodes of the show Jericho decided that it was time to arm herself for the coming post-apocalypse. She was convinced that the presidency of Obama would mean that our right to bear arms would be compromised and,” fuck no”, was she going to be the only one not packing heat when the fight for the final Twinkie was going down.
In a world where my crazy boss believes Skeet Ulrich will save us…
I get it. The future looks rough. But while some people choose to build bomb shelters, stock up on canned food, and time themselves on the quickness and accuracy of cleaning their shotguns
The future looks so bright I better wear shades
I have chosen a different means in order to protect myself
And that is amassing a small feline army to defend my apartment.
Filed under cats, horrifying
There are certain people that you encounter in this world that you know, from the instant that you meet them, you will love forever. This love will be unconditional and have no limitations or boundaries.
It looks something like this
It looks like this, right?
I’ve yet to find that perfect Rogue and Gambit murderous/dangerous love.
But, I have a close second. And that is my cat, Liono
The bond – it is so true
In my endless string of unsuccessful human relationships, I find it encouraging that I am capable of creating such a strong connection with at least one sentient being. At some point in the near future, when industriousness reigns, I will get into how I acquired Liono
it involves me getting locked in a bathroom AND a trip to the hospital to get a roommate a spinal tap to see whether or not he was insane, or just on drugs
But until that mythical day actually happens, I will just relay the dearness and darling nature of the most charming cat in the world. Unlike the monster that is George, Liono has many loves including, but not limited to: chronic, cuddles, kisses, and tomato sauce.
And pizza
So until I can find a human being that is satisfied to sleep until two in the afternoon, and then watch and re-watch the same re-run episodes of My So-Called Life until it is drinking o’clock, I can’t be sure that anyone will be capable of replacing Liono.
and I am mostly cool with that
Filed under cats
My cats have been introduced in this blog already, as I prefer them to almost all carbon-based life forms. Their antics have been documented due to their insatiable need to ruin a night of pampering; and their cuteness has been lauded as a way for me to give into maternal instincts and still drink gin.
But until now their personalities have been little discussed. So let me introduce you to…George!
when Satan takes feline form.
George is evil. Pure evilness. That is pretty much the extent of his personality. Except one time, while I was sleeping on my back, he scratched my neck near the corroded artery. Another time he scratched me across my wrist making me look like I am a cutter to my co-workers and friends. Well, I guess those weren’t personality traits but rather illustrations of his wickedness.
Ah, George.
You life is not so great 