Category Archives: horrifying

Pizza with Cheez

Some time ago, in a land not far far away, a girl made a promise to herself to stop eating as though her fast metabolism was going to last forever.

Just a brief example of what I like to eat for breakfast. Mega Blow Pop stories to follow at a later date.

I have a great deal of trepidation that one day my Cheetos®  for breakfast fare will cause me a massive coronary before the age of 30. After much speculation I decided to eat better and exercise regularly. The next day I ate a bagel with cream cheese and Cheez-It®s (see previous entry). So, I figured that maybe I would become obsessed with working out and getting a gym membership.

But so far there is only one thing I am obsessed with.

Cheez-It®

And, yes, you are seeing that correctly. It’s a pizza covered in Cheez-It®s and then doused with hot sauce.

Fuck you, health

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Filed under cooking, food, horrifying, wine

Gotta be armed

We live in frightening times, unquestionably. I used to work for a woman who after seeing too many episodes of the show Jericho decided that it was time to arm herself for the coming post-apocalypse. She was convinced that the presidency of Obama would mean that our right to bear arms would be compromised and,” fuck no”, was she going to be the only one not packing heat when the fight for the final Twinkie was going down.

In a world where my crazy boss believes Skeet Ulrich will save us…

I get it. The future looks rough. But while some people choose to build bomb shelters, stock up on canned food, and time themselves on the quickness and accuracy of cleaning their shotguns

The future looks so bright I better wear shades

I have chosen a different means in order to protect myself

And that is amassing a small feline army to defend my apartment.

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The fridge part II: Electric boogaloo (no, there might be something in there that is a conduit for electrical currents)

A while ago I had shared a picture of the inside of my fridge, stocked with the essentials. I would hyperlink to that entry, but I don’t know how and I don’t feel like looking it up. Essentially it was a sad picture of an empty fridge with a tall boy in it; look through the posts: it was quality stuff.

Let’s re-visit the once empty fridge, brimming with the potential to be filled…

…With garbage.

I don’t really know the genesis of the garbage fridge, though I believe it started inauspiciously enough. Perhaps I had some leftover pizza that I kept in the box and would pull out slice by slice, until the only thing left was an empty box. And then, of course, I am massively busy working a soul sucking job and memorizing the “rap” part of Spice Girls’ Wannabe


Slam your body down and wind it all around!

I am way too busy to say, buy a garbage can.

who needs one? I have a fridge?

Like most things in my life that spiral wildly out of control, I would make myself daily promises. “Today I will clean out my fridge.” “Today I will buy a garbage can.” “Today I will pay off my creditors.” However, as day slowly ebbs into night, thoughts would change to things like, “if I leave the remains of this microwave dinner on the counter the cats will get it…I’ll temporarily put it in the fridge.”

And then a slow evolution occurs wherein the fridge becomes a warzone of garbage; where do I put actual food? However, a fun game also occurs.

I like to call it, “what did I use to be?”

Who knows?!

According to the sell by date, this just celebrated its sixth month birthday. Happy birthday, baby, oh the places you’ll go!

Trying to fight the tides of the fridge garbage seems as futile as, say, trying to get the earth to change its rotation. Meaning, it might happen one day, but that will only be because the mold taking over the inside will become sentient and want a change of scenery. Who knows? I might be housing the future creatures to roam this world after the robot apocalypse renders humans obsolete.

 

I would start leaving sacrifices to the fridge if I were you…

 

 


 

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When life imitates art. Or blogs.

After a long night of listening to Liono (https://youlifeisnotsogreat.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/some-people-have-children/   ) playing with bottle caps I woke up early (noon) to get my weekend fix of fried potatoes and hot sauce.

And right outside my doorstep I ran into this guy:

You life is not so NASCAR

I don’t know exactly how to feel about Dale Earnhardt Jr. hanging out in the front of my apartment surrounded by empty cans of Natty Ice.

But, I’m not surprised.

 

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Filed under beer, cats, food, horrifying, Uncategorized