Author Archives: anotherintro

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About anotherintro

Jane-Rebecca Cannarella is an editor at HOOT Review, a cat lady, and a Nutella enthusiast. When not poorly playing the piano, she chronicles the many ways that she embarrasses herself at the website www.youlifeisnotsogreat.com. She occasionally drinks wine out of a mug that has a smug poodle on it, and she’s not great at writing in the third person.
August 8, 2012 · 2:28 pm

Crafts to not teach your children (double trouble, part II)

This is a perfect craft for people who want to bring the charm and hilarity to, say, a breaking and entering. No one will shoot the felon in a watermelon mask! Admittedly this is also a guest post, as the watermelon mask was supplied (filled with tequila) by Cassie P, and crafted by the extremely talented John L. I am the one modeling it.

I’ve come to steal all of your cupcakes! And pet your dog!

How to do it? Easy sauce:

Step 1: Fill watermelon with tequila – as done by Cassie

Step 2: Drink the tequila

Step 3: Eat the watermelon

Step 4: Get John L to cut it up into a mask

Step 5: Put that shit on your face. Watch out for the knife and also your friend not caring that they are putting a piece of fruit with a knife in it onto you face.

Happy crafting!

I am wearing this every single time I go out.

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July 25, 2012 · 3:21 pm

Enter the psyche of my cats: Part III (yup, now there is a part three)

Have you ever met someone so crazy and obsessive about things that you aren’t entirely sure that they haven’t escaped a mental hospital? They say yes to everything? They’re enthusiasm is terrifying?

they are not so secretly obsessed with trying to become a member of the Loving Spoonful?

 

I never want to miss out on an opportunity to say “yes,” additionally I was always obsessed with the movie Rock-A-Doodle. After watching the most brilliant of Don Bleuth movies I knew I had wanted a pet that looked just like Chanticleer the rooster.

Who the hell wouldn’t?

But I didn’t actually want a rooster. What was the second best option? No, not a pet chicken…This is when my obsession with naked cats began, because they look like store-bought uncooked chickens. So, when a friend was moving and needed to find his Sphinx cat a home,  I said yes.  Instantly. I now have a new cat.  She looks a cross between a scrotum, an uncooked chicken, ET, and a raptor.

clever girl…

 

She reminds me of Easy Mac and feels like a warm peach.

Currently she is reigning terror on the Orange and White Boys ™
 

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July 17, 2012 · 4:04 pm

How I influenced the world of hip hop

I am not saying I am a trendsetter

But I am totally a fucking trendsetter.

Credit where credit is due, Lil Wayne.

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July 16, 2012 · 4:16 pm

Gotta be armed

We live in frightening times, unquestionably. I used to work for a woman who after seeing too many episodes of the show Jericho decided that it was time to arm herself for the coming post-apocalypse. She was convinced that the presidency of Obama would mean that our right to bear arms would be compromised and,” fuck no”, was she going to be the only one not packing heat when the fight for the final Twinkie was going down.

In a world where my crazy boss believes Skeet Ulrich will save us…

I get it. The future looks rough. But while some people choose to build bomb shelters, stock up on canned food, and time themselves on the quickness and accuracy of cleaning their shotguns

The future looks so bright I better wear shades

I have chosen a different means in order to protect myself

And that is amassing a small feline army to defend my apartment.

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July 11, 2012 · 5:16 pm

A robot apocalypse guest post!

Today’s post is brought to you by my friend Shawn.

Earlier I received this text from Shawn followed by a picture

“Apparently the robots decreed I am to live when they take over, as well”

I find your lack of faith disturbing

“LOL, so I guess we are the breeding stock for the slave labor of the future”

Good to see that the robots will allow me a friend when the hostile takeover occurs.

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July 9, 2012 · 7:04 pm

In celebration of more than one holiday at once

There are times when it isn’t enough to celebrate just one holiday at one time. So when Cinco de Mayo and Star Wars day are back to back it just seems more appropriate to meld them together:

Happy Cinco de Star Wars

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July 5, 2012 · 6:03 pm

And the day is closer than I thought

Remember when I found the quality control sticker on my person? I was convinced that the robots are coming to take over? This might have been met with head shaking, or consternation pertaining to my paranoia – potential schizophrenia?

Well, I just looked down at my arm and saw this:

yeah, that is another QC sticker – this time with a number

Watch your asses, befriend your snack machines, speak sweetly to your computer.

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June 29, 2012 · 6:23 pm

Official – the robots are self-aware

I’ve always suspected that earth was mere moments away from the robots becoming self-aware. There are suspicious “vending” machines at my job, which I believe might be agents of robot destruction just awaiting the robot apocalypse.  Since I live in fear of the work vending machines and the coming carnage, I’ve attempted to become friends with the robots (or alien robots? Maybe a Transformer sorta thing going on here?) and be their vessel once they are sentient.

And the day is nigh. Because when I woke up this morning this was on me:

Hm? What the fuck is that on me?

Generally, outside of my many tattoos I don’t put any stickers on my person unless they are of the Lisa Frank variety

Recognize greatness, bitches!

This is not Lisa Frank. The above sticker is something all together UNLIKE Lisa Frank.

That is a QUALITY ASSURANCE sticker. The robots have assured that I am quality. Also, note the empty toilet paper holder – I am always too lazy to put the actual roll in there.

Well I passed the robot quality assurance test: I’ve passed their first round.

Which can only mean that the day of the robot takeover is closer. I am a-okay in their book but you should probably start sucking up to your own vending machines

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June 27, 2012 · 3:19 pm

Piss poor pandas

My love for you infuriates me!

Anyone who knows me has heard my undying hatred for pandas. I think they are the most passive aggressive animals that ever existed; I am entirely confused as to why we don’t let these little bastards just throw themselves, and their beary girth, into extinction.

I liked drawing an angry panda because I feel as though that’s what pandas are like under their placid demeanor, they burn with a secret rage because people won’t let them just kill themselves off. They refuse to fuck in the wild, they abandon their young in the small chance that they do copulate, and they are non-carnivorous bears. WHAT OTHER HINTS DO WE NEED?
…that being said  I want to go to the Wolong panda reserve to let a baby panda hug train get run on me

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June 20, 2012 · 3:44 pm

The many promises to eat better with my advancing age

Every single day I promise to eat lunch at my office like a normal office drone that brown paper bags it. In an effort to not grow to the size of a planet with my advancing age, in my imagination those lunches are always ridiculously healthy: beet salads and the like.

that right there is a bagel with cream cheese topped with Cheez Its

But I just have such a hard time keeping promises to myself. Maybe I’ll just start going to the gym instead?

 

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