Author Archives: anotherintro

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About anotherintro

Jane-Rebecca Cannarella is an editor at HOOT Review, a cat lady, and a Nutella enthusiast. When not poorly playing the piano, she chronicles the many ways that she embarrasses herself at the website www.youlifeisnotsogreat.com. She occasionally drinks wine out of a mug that has a smug poodle on it, and she’s not great at writing in the third person.
June 10, 2014 · 11:23 am

It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.

Albeit a bit late, but this installment of fan fiction of failure is sure to ruin your 90s childhood. You Life is Not So Great is proud to present:

It’s a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page.
by: Eric Z
voiced by: Joanna
art by: the Law Offices of Van Noss²

photoCarl collapsed into his seat. His hands trembled as he smoothed the front of his blue police uniform. Eddie, seated adjacent, offered a food-garbled “Dad” and a nod between bites.

“What’s for dinner?” Carl asked, ignoring his son.

Harriette transferred the burned contents from a pan on the battered range to a Corningware plate.

“Nice to see you too,” she said putting the plate down in front of her husband.

Carl drew a deep breath.

“A little boy got killed today, Harriette. Seven fucking years old.” Carl’s voice wavered. “Dead on his way to school.”

Without warning, the backdoor flew open. A shelf of knickknacks fell to the counter in its wake, all but a few breaking.
“Did I do that?” Steve said in mock surprise.

Carl was silent as he left the kitchen. His dinner remained untouched on the table long after Winslow family went to bed.

 

Bios:
Eric Z is best known for his contributions to such periodicals as Modern Dad Magazine: A Magazine for Modern Dads and Dad Fancy: A Fancy Dad’s Guide to Modern Living. He collects Fabergé egg and sometimes remembers his grandmother’s birthday (Editors Note: October 17..er…18…sometime in mid-October). Mr. Z coined the phrase “I live my life a quarter mile at a time” and fuck you for saying differently. You can sort of find more of his stuff at Reel 9 Productions

Joanna has the voice of an angel and is cooler than you (You Life is Not So Great took some liberties writing her bio)

The Law Offices of Van Noss² – the popular mantalope – is not allowed to play D&D anymore

 

 

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June 2, 2014 · 2:37 pm

Feelings made easy with photos & words

Do you remember the trends in the 90s when it came to advancing technology? It was, like, AIM and chat rooms for years. I never really had to keep up outside of discussing the various benefits of having Stone Cold Steve Austen on your side in a tag team match on the WWF chat room (fuck you, I was 13), or keeping my away messages current.

I miss you, too

I miss you, too

Now there is too much for me to keep up with. Trends on the internet are insane. Recently I went on Tumblr and discovered something that, seemingly, has been going on forever without my notice. Something that I find heartening. Something extremely encouraging for someone as emotionally stunted as myself.

Words helping you express...I'm not exactly sure

Words helping you express…I’m not exactly sure

Source

As it turns out you can start expressing the expressionless sentiment by just adding some random phrases onto a photo. I don’t really even think the photo matters.

In an effort to better articulate my emotions I tried it myself:

it's all in the white text

it’s all in the white text

And as I got caught in a wormhole of this trend, I discovered that it can even be applied to what you find attractive in the gender of your choice. There are entire sites dedicated to it!

I just...really?

I just…really?

Source

In my effort to expand this white text on photographic background expressing our emotions (sort of?) I wanted to ensure that there are people similar to myself who are represented by white text in front of random photo.

For all us bleeding with white-text based feelings, this is for you:
pizza the hut

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May 28, 2014 · 11:22 am

The robots are sick of your bull

It’s a hostile world when the vending machines stop upholding their side of the bargain. I heard somewhere from something online that crazy scientists are creating smarter robots. But I’d venture to say that they’re already smart enough and that this is a rise of the proletariat sort of situation that we have on our hands.

Beware of the vending machine

Beware of the vending machine

I’d consider raising the vending machine’s salary and giving it benefits before it responds with greater prejudice.

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May 14, 2014 · 4:53 pm

The soothing timbre of Liono

To help you get through your day here is a sound recording of Liono’s unbelievably loud snoring.


photo (1)

Now everyone feels better.

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May 9, 2014 · 6:50 pm

In the Valley of the Serpents, Only Lovers Survive

Here is the newest installment of Fan Fiction of Failure. This one is written by your very own You Life. The ridiculously talented This Guy, Jim C, once again lends his talents for the illustrations. And, again, the amazing Anthony donates his lovely vocal cords for the voice over.

Enjoy!

finished dreaming
finished fantasy
finished awake
finished startled use

Harry pushed up the sleeves of his tattered cloak. The previous several years having been a dream, Harry was back to the grind – trying to destroy Voldemort, but more importantly trying to hide the true emotions slowing building inside him like a camp fire.

“Harry?” Snape emerged like a wounded panther. Sleek and dangerous. Harry’s heart quickened at the approaching visage, wise and grave. His voice was barely a squeak when it came out, a warmth was spreading throughout his belly, “Yes, Professor Snape?”
finished wounded panther
finished heart pounding
finished yes professor snape

The professor closed the space between them. With trembling fingers he reached out and brushed a lock of Harry’s dark hair out his eyes. Harry quaked with the tension, as Snape’s body, only a breath away grazed his own. “You fought magnificently today,” he whispered lustily.

Harry tilted his chin up…
finished brushing a lock of hair
finished lifting chin

 

 

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April 23, 2014 · 6:21 pm

The most important thing you’ll ever vote on

Being able to vote is the privilege and honor of living in a free world. Granted, you might have thought that in the past your voice was used in order to make world changing decisions, however any past voting is inconsequential in comparison to this wildly difficult and new choice you’re being called to make.

Which cat litter is more hilarious?

It's pride vs Jons in this battle for glory

It’s pride vs Jons in this battle for glory

Vote in the poll and leave a comment explaining your choice – one lucky person will win a prize straight from You Life. Let Democracy ring through the hearts of every voter.

Good luck, and God Bless.

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April 9, 2014 · 1:48 pm

Its guise is also its disguise

“Janie, how do you face life with such ebullient enthusiasm?” an imaginary person that I created for this scenario once asked me.

“Well, imaginary friend, I think the most important thing about life is approaching the day to day mundanities with jolliness and good cheer so you can see the sanctity that exists in every single moment,” I responded beatifically.

But I guess I could have just cut to the real meat of that sentence by showing the imaginary friend my beverage that I bring throughout the streets of Philadelphia:

this is an option on their secret menu

this is an option on their secret menu

Dunkin Donuts cups always hide the secret terror within

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April 1, 2014 · 12:24 pm

Flash Fiction

Here’s the deal, at the beginning of the month You Life is going to post one (intentionally) horrible piece of fan fiction. We’ll take submissions, illustrate them, and get a voice over actor to voice them (more here). That way you can start off your month the right way – with your dreams of Pokémon copulation finally coming true (no innuendo intended in that sentence, but glad it happened!).

Our first piece is by my favorite comedian Dave Terruso titled Flash Fiction,
pictures by Jim C, and voice acting by Anthony C

(You can listen to this voice over brilliance here:) 

Barry Allen put on his red tights and laced up his golden boots. He spent three minutes making the little lightning bolts above his ears look carelessly tousled.

He had to look perfect today.

The Scarlet Speedster ran at a brisk pace around the park, slowly picking up speed. Eventually he ran at top speed, circling the Earth twice per second. Soon he reached a speed where he vibrated at a frequency that allowed him to travel to an alternate universe.

Once in the alternate universe, The Crimson Bolt slowed down and looked for his target, Mr. Jay Garrick. He quickly found Jay, easily recognizable in his outdated costume that used the same red and gold as Barry’s.
he found him in his retro costume
Both men heaved, catching their respective breaths. “You came back,” Garrick said.

you came back

“Yes,” Barry breathlessly whispered, “And now I’m going to come on your back.”
now im gonna

They took turns fucking each other.

 

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March 26, 2014 · 2:31 pm

This is the dawning of the age of the bitchy office notes

At first I was willing to deal with the office monster in extremely good humor. See ? I even came to the defense of the fridge monster because 1. That note was written by the hand of someone who gives too much of a fuck 2. Because fridge monster at that point had eaten two containers of hummus I left in there and I wasn’t really that bothered because 3. I used to be the fridge monster at my last job

But since I wrote my hilarious response to office bastardry, and I thought I had sorted out some solidarity with hungry co-worker and fellow thief; fridge monster seems to have taken sole and exclusive comfort in my lunch bag. With extreme consumption prejudice – they ate my leftovers.  I’ve retaliated.
photo (1)
photo (2)

I don’t even know myself anymore.  The hunted has become the hunter.

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March 20, 2014 · 12:16 pm

Oh Corey, your dry humor helps us get through the day

Our boss is less than pleased about Corey's snide remarks. We've been telling her it's out of our hands - Corey has a mind of his own. And it's filled with bitchy retorts

Our boss is less than pleased about Corey’s snide remarks. We’ve been telling her it’s out of our hands – Corey has a mind of his own. And it’s filled with bitchy retorts

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