Oh? Did you try and hide the work bear from me?
Guess what?
I fucking found him
And stole him
unrelated – I’ve also taken to wearing a mustache at work these days
Just like Brandy and Monica sang before me, “the bear is mine.”
Category Archives: Animals
What I wore to work – the laid off edition
Do you know who always looks great?
Yup. That guy.
Do you know what I also have an affinity for?
Bears (and Bear Ambulances)
What happens when it is the end times at work? The “last days of Rome” days at work? I’ll end up at my office dressed like Where’s Waldo, pulling up that iconic sweater, in front of a statue of bear…that happens to be parked in front of my boss’s office.
Go ahead…fire me. I bear ya!
What flu shot?
I look more like a consumptive child than usual today.
It’s always bad when my bangs are pulled back
Here is a brief email exchange as to why my eyes are larger than normal and I’m dressed like Small Wonder (nah, I just like dressing like Small Wonder).
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Janie
> Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2012 12:34 PM
To: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
Fever – check, swollen tonsils – check, achy – check,
freezing – checkToday I was supposed to get the flu shot – I love the irony. I feel like I am going to cry/die
And hurled the gifting of some French fries by a coworker in the middle of writing this.
Whine
Yes – read correctly, I got the flu on the day I was supposed to get the flu shot.
— On Thu, 11/15/12, Zachary wrote
From: Zachary
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Janie”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:18 PM
I hope you feel better. I’m pretty sure Tundy is a doctor, so confer with him forthwith
To whom is he referencing?
Only paging Dr. Liono – that’s all
From: Janie
Subject: RE: We still on?
To: “Zachary”
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012, 1:25 PM
Poor shirt storm! I have listened to Joanna Newsom on loop and loop and felt so sorry for myself and melancholy and sick that I went into the bathroom and wept for my own self pity. As it turns out I am the worst sick person in the world, certainly the most over dramatic.
Peach, Plum, Pear is also quite sad.
And truthfully, the National didn’t help either.
But then again I also cried listening to Mighty Ducks III, which I have spelled Mighty Fucks so many times today I lost count.
But on further inspection….
My Adam Banks…how you’ve grown….
The great and powerful landlord – plus new neighbors
As far as I know, I have a landlord. Every month I send a rent check, two weeks late, to a person. The check definitely gets cashed, generally resulting in a massive overdraft fee. At one point while in Chicago I got a call from a medical supply store that turned out to be my landlord telling me that my check bounced. The voice was certainly pissed.
Other than that – nope. He’s a mystery. Don’t know his name, what he looks like, or what he actually does. I didn’t have heat for an entire winter. I don’t have a number where I can contact him – let alone a maintenance man.
This is what I think he might look like
hmm…that looks a bit like Johnny Cash during the end days. Failure.
Let’s try that again:
IGNORE THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN THAT CALLS YOU FROM A MEDICAL SUPPLY STORE!
However, I know he isn’t an illusion. My landlord is a man of flesh and blood. I know this because sometimes he leaves me gifts outside my door.
I wonder what he is trying to to tell me?
Evidently a furrier new tenant has also moved in recently.
Enter the psyche of my cats: Part III (yup, now there is a part three)
Have you ever met someone so crazy and obsessive about things that you aren’t entirely sure that they haven’t escaped a mental hospital? They say yes to everything? They’re enthusiasm is terrifying?
they are not so secretly obsessed with trying to become a member of the Loving Spoonful?
I never want to miss out on an opportunity to say “yes,” additionally I was always obsessed with the movie Rock-A-Doodle. After watching the most brilliant of Don Bleuth movies I knew I had wanted a pet that looked just like Chanticleer the rooster.
Who the hell wouldn’t?
But I didn’t actually want a rooster. What was the second best option? No, not a pet chicken…This is when my obsession with naked cats began, because they look like store-bought uncooked chickens. So, when a friend was moving and needed to find his Sphinx cat a home, I said yes. Instantly. I now have a new cat. She looks a cross between a scrotum, an uncooked chicken, ET, and a raptor.
clever girl…
She reminds me of Easy Mac and feels like a warm peach.
Currently she is reigning terror on the Orange and White Boys ™
Piss poor pandas
My love for you infuriates me!
Anyone who knows me has heard my undying hatred for pandas. I think they are the most passive aggressive animals that ever existed; I am entirely confused as to why we don’t let these little bastards just throw themselves, and their beary girth, into extinction.
I liked drawing an angry panda because I feel as though that’s what pandas are like under their placid demeanor, they burn with a secret rage because people won’t let them just kill themselves off. They refuse to fuck in the wild, they abandon their young in the small chance that they do copulate, and they are non-carnivorous bears. WHAT OTHER HINTS DO WE NEED?
…that being said I want to go to the Wolong panda reserve to let a baby panda hug train get run on me
You life is not so great 