love me
Because I stole a co-worker’s hot sauce and made it into a baby.
Author Archives: anotherintro
How do you express your feelings?
Have you ever had the feelings for someone? Me too!
I am pretty shy at expressing my emotions, so I found the best way to share how I feel with that certain someone is to send a handmade postcard.
Like this one that I mailed to that special person recently:
nothing like drawing that person an adorable kitty
to let them know how you really feel.
Which, in this case, is disgust and disdain.
It’s the You Life version of Hallmark, always sending the very best. Also, cats.
The hows and whys that involve me buying frozen vegetables
It’s a very special day in a young woman’s life when she gets to explain to people that the black eye that she is sporting is because an overweight cat jumped on her face while she was sleeping.
This will make the boys come a-runnin’
I would love to claim that this was the first time that I was bruised because of my cat. But, of course, that wouldn’t be true.
And I would be lying if I didn’t say I was mildly concerned about what Liono’s actual motives are these days.
I’m coming for you
LinkedIn giving the rough advice
woah now
LinkedIn distributing the tough love…and how
Maybe I thought my fat pants were flattering?
A very special You Life: George’s eulogy.
Yesterday, on Christmas, I spent an entire day on the train traveling back to my apartment. I purchased myself some holiday PBRs and got ready to have a full blown solo Christmas pity party. All of my intentions were focused on feeling totally sorry for myself because I was spending Christmas alone. However, George had other plans.
His plan?
Dying
This is exactly how he wanted to go, on Christmas: a day usually reserved for family, and happiness, and joy. Those are all of the things that he hates and stands against. Misery? Pain? Mournful tunes on the banjo? The last chapter of Oil? Ruining gift giving holidays? George knew that those were the real simple pleasures in life.
And, obviously, hating you. That was another of his favorite things.
Except, of course, there is more pleasure in dying. So, after a hundred and fifty thousand years of life George went to meet him maker.
I think we all know who George’s maker is
And I, for one, will miss the ever loving shit out of that miserable cranky cat bastard. And, while his cold dead body rests in the space heater box in my living room while I am at work (HE WOULD HAVE WANTED IT THAT WAY DON’T JUDGE ME), later on I will be memorializing him in the best way possible: playing The Ballad of Georgie on the ukulele and whiskey drankin’.
Bye, littlest evil.
Holiday Hell Tour: A Molesty Santa
There are certain things that are sacred and unjoking in my [you] life and those are the traditions I have with my closest mates. For the last ten years we have celebrated two things: our own (un PC named) version of Thanksgiving ( see: youfood for the full update), and the other thing is our annual photo with Santa.
Look at those fly people
During the holidays tradition is important.
And one part of this holiday tradition is how much bad touching Santa seems to get away with when I sit on his lap.
In the past it was always just a joke pertaining to the fact that due to my size I would have to be the one perched on Santa’s lap. It was a perfect set up for a joke.
However this year Santa amped up his perv game. When I went to sit on his lap it seemed like awkward quarters, what with so many people flanking us. I ended up plopping onto Mrs. Klaus’s lap. So I popped up off her diminutive frame, but Santa full on grabbed my hips to “re-adjust me” on top his lap. And on the way down onto the holiday lap, Santa got a handful of my ass.
He has his hand on my freaking hip in this shot. Damn you, Santa!
So, Santa is kind of a douche bag.
Happy holidays from You Life (and Bear Ambulance) to you
Filed under cranky, friends, Holidays, horrifying
My musical abilities are epic
I love Downton Abbey. It’s phenomenal and gives me the ability to indulge in several of my favorite things: large hats, British accents, and over dramatic longings.
flossin’
However…there is ONE thing it might be missing.
Kitties singing the theme song.
Obvy
The time is meow
Well hello. Are you familiar with this masterpiece of a music video?
Are you familiar with this beverage?
If you mix these two things for several hours and happen to be me, you will get this as a result:
I was going to write more…but I think that’s enough.
Oh actually, there is more. I am wearing the same “outfit” from this post:
https://youlifeisnotsogreat.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/style-is-as-style-doesnt-get-off-the-couch/
What I wore to work – the I’ve obviously stopped caring edition
Oh? Did you try and hide the work bear from me?
Guess what?
I fucking found him
And stole him
unrelated – I’ve also taken to wearing a mustache at work these days
Just like Brandy and Monica sang before me, “the bear is mine.”
You life is not so great 
YouTube comments make the world a better place
Whenever life gets particularly shitty I like to search through the comments on YouTube to see those that are significantly worse off than me. There is nothing more heartrending than the cries of the forlorn seeking internet therapy while simultaneously watching music videos.
Like this lost soul
Nine people agree, break-ups are horrible.
The song? The music that was breaking their heart and reminding them of this tragic loss?
Ya know, the song from Pretty Woman
And in case you don’t understand the absolute hilarity in weeping over this entirely shameful song, here is the music video
Good luck, sir, hopefully the dulcet tones of Go West will help ease the heartache. And if it brings you any comfort, your comment made me laugh my ass off during a time of my own misery.
4 Comments
Filed under hilarious, music
Tagged as break ups, entertainment, go west, heartbreak, hilarious, internet therapy, king of wishful thinking, music, music videos, pretty woman, youtube, youtube comments