Author Archives: anotherintro

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About anotherintro

Jane-Rebecca Cannarella is an editor at HOOT Review, a cat lady, and a Nutella enthusiast. When not poorly playing the piano, she chronicles the many ways that she embarrasses herself at the website www.youlifeisnotsogreat.com. She occasionally drinks wine out of a mug that has a smug poodle on it, and she’s not great at writing in the third person.

I am concerned that once I get laid off I won’t have anything to update about

Dear work NEVER EVER STOP.

I went into my break room the other day to pour some really terrible coffee and found, what I thought to be, a box full of candy. Occasionally a co-worker will take pity on us and leave treats for the rest of us to descend upon like the locusts in the Old Testament.

so excited for what looks like fancy chocolates

so excited for what looks like fancy candies

But it couldn’t have been further from the treats in my imagination. Because what was on the table in the break room was almost the exact opposite of posh sweets.

Yeah, it's adult diapers

It was adult diapers

I now believe that some sort of social experiment is going on to raise the morale of the workers here and then crush that hope under the heel of adult incontinence

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Filed under hilarious, work

The amount of fucks I give

Zero - no fucks. Not a single one

Zero – no fucks. Not a single one

The Cheez-its are an arrow pointing to the stars in reverence for this song:

Cause when you are facing cardiac arrest by pizza, truly the “only way is up,”  from there.

Did I mention that this was a microwavable pizza for one? Cause, yes.

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Filed under cooking, music

Down Town Abbey (see what I did there?)

While at work I love to illegally stream television.

Downton Abbey is my favorite for a very specific reason (other than the giant hats) :

hilarious juxtapositions

Two things I love: William stumbling over speech and Asian women looking for love

Two things I love: William stumbling over speech and Asian women looking for love

But there was no such grandness that existed before this:

Dame Maggie Smith, how many sperms are swimming?

Dame Maggie Smith, how many sperms are swimming?

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Filed under celebrities, hilarious, tv, work

Class acts are directed right here

And once again, these are the search engine terms that direct people to this blog:

such tales are great classic. My masturbation tale the most so. KINDREDS

such tales are great classics. My masturbation tale the most so.

KINDRED!

Which refers to this
And for the record, my coming of age (no pun intended) story of wanking off has generated an unusual amount of hits. Thanks Daniel Defoe!

And this person who was looking for an awful lot out of their chips:

my chips didn't vibrate but you can go to 7-11 for the second best option

my chips didn’t vibrate but you can go to 7-11 for the second best option

Which refers, of course, to this

Thanks for visiting, whoever you are, you made my week.

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Filed under emails, food, hilarious, literature

Dear work, never stop. Love, Janie

I just…there are no words. I contacted my HR representative asking about options to pay for school through some mythical program where little angels swoop down and save me from incurring (even more) massive debt.

She was so helpful.

Ahhh, Google, of course.

Ahhh, Google, of course.

As it turns out I am thinking of applying to work in HR for my former company, evidently all you need to be qualified is access to Google and your head lodged in your sphincter.

Unbelievaballs

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Filed under emails, work

One pan to rule them all. And in my apartment fry them.

I only own one kitchen appliance. It’s a skillet. It’s made of iron. It’s so large that it could cook me.

leg of lady is on the menu when I'm cookin', Jack.

leg of lady is on the menu when I’m cookin’, Jack.

The only reason I haven’t thrown it away is because I am sure it could double as a weapon.

But on a rare occasion when my supper isn’t cold pizza with several Yuenglings and a couple ounces of hot sauce, I’ve been known to try and cook rice in that sucker.

But I was steaming the rice with an old VHS organizer

But I was steaming the rice with an old VHS organizer

The end of the rice story is that the faux-wood ended up peeling off into the rice and the chemicals mixed with the grains to create a cloud in my kitchen that might have been a noxious and poisonous gas.

But at the end of the day I can still use that skillet to ward off intruders.

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Filed under Booze, cooking, food, horrifying, science! technology!

A shocking discovery in the finer details of fire safety

Rut roh. Do you remember when I set my nachos on fire and threw them out of a window? (I do!). Well, a shocking revelation has unfolded.

My friends are the sort of people that would mourn nachos

My friends are the sort of people that would mourn nachos

But then

...balls

…balls

The truth is revealed. There is a chance that maybe, several years ago, I put Triscuts and cheese (“nachos”) in the broiler and left them in there for about fifteen minutes. Opened the broiler only to discover the entire mass in flames. And promptly closed the broiler. I then deferred to an adult about the fire I just started.

fire safety 2 2 2
BA hijinx never forgets…

he also reinterprets artistic You Life works

he also reinterprets artistic You Life works

I am going to star in a Lifetime original movie called, “The Littlest Arsonist.”

And, for the safety of all, I should probably retire from my job as a nacho/Triscut/cheese cook.

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Filed under cooking, food, friends

My job is comedic gold

No, seriously. The company I work for is (inadvertent) comedic genius. It’s like the Andy Kaufman of failing businesses that are desperately trying not to close despite the fact that they’re trading as a penny stock now.

In an effort to test the waters of employee satisfaction, the company sent out a survey to ALL employees – including those in the Philadelphia office that just got entirely laid off.

Here are some of the winning gems plus, perhaps, some of the additional comments that a certain employee (IT’S ME) added to let them know my current level of satisfaction

these questions sound like my job is breaking up with me and we're at the desperate ending "state of the union" sorta divorce stage

these questions sound like my job is breaking up with me and we’re at the desperate ending “state of the union” sorta divorce stage. We’re also period’ing together

And the ultimate:laid off

Well…you laid everyone off, so talk to me more about these advancement opportunities.

 

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Filed under work

How to make the most delicious chicken wings ever

My friends and I had been hearing only the best things about this Korean restaurant in Northeast Philadelphia. It seemed like we couldn’t walk ten paces without someone enthusiastically telling us to go to this place and get the fried chicken wings. GET THE CHICKEN WINGS.

So we went and amidst great confusion got the wings. It might not seem a great trial to order fried chicken wings (for a normal person’s life). But this might clarify why we ordered with shaky voices, “the chicken wings?” (waitstaff love nothing more than when you phrase your food order as a question):

That's the menu. Is the hot lady a meal option? She's both "sweet AND hot."

That’s the menu. Is the hot lady a meal option? She’s both “sweet AND hot.”

The wings were mother fucking delicious. Because the wings might be people. And, dammit, people wings are fucking delightful.

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Filed under food, movies, Philadelphia

The finer details of fire safety

The other night I decided to make nachos as a celebratory meal for finishing a Tuesday well done.  And also because I feel less pathetic cooking dinner for one (plus cats) when it’s a featured item on the Chili’s menu.

Some people think “nachos” and this is what is brought to their imagination:

whoever made this is a miracle worker of culinary proportions

whoever made this is a miracle worker of culinary proportions

I make a less traditional nacho, comprised of only two ingredients:

This is more my speed

This is more my speed

After throwing those into the broiler there are some that might diligently wait by the oven and wait for the cheese to melt and then proceed with feasting. But I am not some, and instead walked to my local 7-11  to get additional grocery-like supplies.

I returned to a miniature conflagration in my kitchen.

Since I paid attention in grade school I knew that I needed to get a fire extinguisher right quick. I ran to my hallway to grab it and that is where I found:

Happy 2013!

Happy 2013!

As it turns out, a fire extinguisher two years expired doesn’t work on a molten mass of flaming triscuits. So I did what any person would do. I grabbed six towels, opened the window, and threw the firey food into the softly falling snow.

And then I left a PSA where the expired fire extinguisher used to be for my landlord to see

smokey is furious

 

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Filed under Animals, apartment, cats, cooking, food