Category Archives: doodles

The delicate sensibilities of decorating

I am a You life of discerning tastes.  And when it comes to decorating my abode I like to pick only the most special of prized finds to accompany the dust bunnies and tumbleweeds of cat hair

scientific illustration of cat tumbleweeds

scientific illustration of cat tumbleweeds

So when I saw this, I knew it had to come live with me, and that weird mold that has started growing in my refrigerator, immediately.

A flying cat/dog with a basketball on it's ass

A flying cat/dog with a basketball on its ass

Welcome home.

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Filed under apartment, cats, doodles, pets

The conversation that created a lifetime of laughter (for me)

There are times I get down about the calamities I’ve created, which I’ll sometimes refer to as “life.” And since the world revolves around me and my happiness, I’ve had to find satisfying ways to bring joy back in my life during the times when things get dark (like when I had to spend a shocking twenty minutes today looking for my shoe’s mate).

I’ve documented a previous way here

And barring that this’ll bring a great big smile to my face:

Ah, pizza pictures. They prep me for my return to home and pizza consumption

Ah, pizza pictures. They prep me for my return to home and pizza consumption

Then there is watching Katherine Heigl’s charming shenanigans on loop like 27 Dresses carries the secrets to the mysteries of the Bible.

but doesn't it though?

but doesn’t it though?

But sometimes, no matter how many slices of pizza you look at or how many Katherine Heigl rom-coms you watch (I also suggest the one with Gerard Butler where he’s a dick but she falls for him anyway cause underneath he’s just a big softie. That one is great too), the sun refuses to shine on you.

When I get that blue I like to conjure up a conversation that one day I was lucky enough to overhear. While indulging in my pretention at the local coffee shop, a pair of new-agey hippies sat next to me in the middle of a huge problem. Catastrophic.

The deal was that one of them had a date that night with a fellow she really liked and wanted to have sex with BUT she was on her period (DA DUM DUM!). And following this confession, the greatest advice I ever fucking heard was dispensed:

“I would really like to sleep with him but I’m on my period right now” – wept one hippie

“I heard from a friend that if you sit naked in the desert for an hour or so it’ll make your period go away.”

IF YOU SIT NAKED IN THE DESERT…YOUR PERIOD WILL GO AWAY.

This is unquestionably the best thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t even imagine what the other woman did with that information. Drive around the suburbs of Philadelphia looking for a patch of dirt to sit naked in for several hours until menstruation ceased?

side note: it looks like she's mediating on, like, Tatooine

side note: it looks like she’s mediating on, like, Tatooine

Thank you for the eternal laughter, ladies. Happy menstruating!

 

 

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Filed under celebrities, doodles, hilarious, horrifying, movies, Philadelphia

It is our mighty banner under which we fly:

you're never drinking alone

This is a universal truth.

 

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Filed under Animals, art, cats, doodles, friends, wine, work

A You Life anniversary…retrospect

It’s high time for an anniversary edition of You Life, but since this just occurred to me and I missed the date by four months I guess this is just a retrospect.

You Life started with an instructional guide on how to devastate some PBRs and then paint a kitchen table. Memories

And to celebrate that momentous occasion in the old apartment I’ve unearthed some gems

That is an omnipresent specter presiding over the battle of zombies vs unicorns

That is an omnipresent specter presiding over the battle of zombies vs unicorns

The glory that was the kitchen - with the masterpiece center stage

The glory that was the kitchen – with the masterpiece center stage

A better view of the unicorn side, before the 6th grade notebook tagging joined the battle

A better view of the unicorn side, before the 6th grade notebook tagging joined the battle

Clear view of the zombie side. That zombie has a bloody unicorn tail in his palm

Clear view of the zombie side. That zombie has a bloody unicorn tail in his palm

 

But I feel strongly that the unicorns prevailed

But I feel strongly that the unicorns prevailed

Happy anniversary, You Life!

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Filed under apartment, beer, crafts, doodles, friends, unicorns, zombies

What did you do at work today?

love me

love me

Because I stole a co-worker’s hot sauce and made it into a baby.

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Filed under doodles, food, work

How do you express your feelings?

Have you ever had the feelings for someone? Me too!

I am pretty shy at expressing my emotions, so I found the best way to share how I feel with that certain someone is to send a handmade postcard.

Like this one that I mailed to that special person recently:

nothing like drawing that person an adorable kitty

nothing like drawing that person an adorable kitty

to let them know how you really feel.

to let them know how you really feel.

Which, in this case, is disgust and disdain.

It’s the You Life version of Hallmark, always sending the very best. Also, cats.

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Filed under Booze, cats, doodles, romance

My loves – they’re droppin’ like flies

What the dip is going on? First Davy Jones and now Larry Hagman? I am distraught. Highly highly distraught.

My childhood crushes are now dropping like flies. This could be because most of my childhood crushes were either musicians or actors from the 60s, but I refuse to acknowledge the limitations of: death, aging, and the absence of time travel. Also, yes, for many years – including a two year reoccurrence in my early twenties – I had an extremely significant crush on Larry Hagman as Tony Nelson in I Dream of Jeannie.

Who wouldn’t?

Who wouldn’t?

There was something about that stern face and constant disapproval that I found extremely appealing, even at a young age. This might be the genesis of my attraction to emotionally unavailable men, but –damn- if Tony Nelson didn’t look smokin’ when he once again verbally expressed his outrage at Jeannie’s bullshit.

What kind of fucked up nonsense are you going to get me into today?

What kind of fucked up nonsense are you going to get me into today?

So it is with a heavy heart that I bid adieu to my childhood dreamboat, Tony Nelson. I will never be able to spend endless hours watching seasons 1 & 2 after a night of whiskey drinking and not think of your scowling hotness with both fondness and regret.

May you dream of Janie. In heaven.

May you dream of Janie. In heaven.

Also, this is a specific Tony Nelson love. I can’t abide by that JR bull.

Thanks for the memories

Thanks for the memories

 

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Filed under celebrities, doodles

Piss poor pandas

My love for you infuriates me!

Anyone who knows me has heard my undying hatred for pandas. I think they are the most passive aggressive animals that ever existed; I am entirely confused as to why we don’t let these little bastards just throw themselves, and their beary girth, into extinction.

I liked drawing an angry panda because I feel as though that’s what pandas are like under their placid demeanor, they burn with a secret rage because people won’t let them just kill themselves off. They refuse to fuck in the wild, they abandon their young in the small chance that they do copulate, and they are non-carnivorous bears. WHAT OTHER HINTS DO WE NEED?
…that being said  I want to go to the Wolong panda reserve to let a baby panda hug train get run on me

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Filed under Animals, doodles

A very special You Life

You Life has been in mourning since leap year. The Monkees were an integral part of my development and are, most likely, why I am the way I am today (the good parts of me, not the parts that get confused for a homeless person).

And while it might seem unusual for a twenty-something to be so effected by this loss, I can confidently say that many life decisions I have made are because of the Monkees.

It explains my relationships

It shouldn’t matter that I was always a Peter fan:

 I am taking the Davy news EXTREMELY hard. It has manifested, mostly, in crying and listening to “Daydream Believer” on an endless, tear stained, loop.

Also, it might have manisfested in spending an entire day at work making this. You Life never claimed they were an artist, but their love is true

Whenever I need to make a decision between two women, I will heed Davy’s sage advice:

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Filed under doodles, music, Uncategorized